h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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The usual shower configuration consists of a Hot tap and a Cold
tap
which allow the user to cause "X" amount of hot water and "Y"
amount of cold water per second to be blended together to
provide
warm water. Functional, but oh so banal.
In the 70s pulsating shower heads enlivened up the
shower scene
considerably but it has been 40+ years since then for heaven's
sake.
Time for some innovation then.
My latest invention, "The Invigorator" (thanks [doc rem]) still
allows the user to dial up their
preferred
amounts of "X" and "Y" amounts of hot and cold water over a given
time - but just doesn't deliver them necessarily at the same instant.
There is a third dial which sets the interval time between the
alternating Hot and Cold delivery times, not unlike the similar
function found on intermittent windshield wiper controls. A very
fast
interval time would be mostly indistinguishable from the current
blended warm water method, but the slowest interval would
provide
a very different experience indeed. There would need to be some
medical research done to eliminate the possibility of actual
scalding - but most people would avoid the extreme Scald/Freeze
end of the
dial anyway.
Now, if you are having trouble becoming fully awake or are just
seeking a new showering sensation, set the interval time as slow
as
you can stand and you're ready to go. This option would in no way
interfere with the conventional use of the showers on normal days
or
for those traditionalists in the family.
Annealing
http://en.wikipedia...ng_%28metallurgy%29
Metal gets hot, metal gets cold, metal get hot... [neutrinos_shadow, Sep 17 2012]
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Annotation:
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This is a really neat idea. Call it "the Invigorator" or
something. |
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This form of Macho ism is already in situ in our house. I have strong suspicions but no proof. The memsahib takes hedonistic delight in using water faucets when I am in the shower. |
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Some sort of replaceable cam arrangement perhaps: different programs you could drop in for different occasions, and occasional shots of too hot and too cold to liven things up. |
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Why not go the whole hog and provide a built in self flagellation birch twig device |
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Excellent, it could be used to study repetive penis
shrinkage as well. |
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//possibility of actual scalding// |
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Just have the shower switch (at chosen intervals and
for chosen durations) from the user's temperature
setting to pure cold water. |
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It's a natural for high-tech control: add it in as an app for the bathroom mirror touchscreen (which already has a built in TV of course) ... [+] anyways. |
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For the ultimate wake-up call, wirelessly synch the
Invigorator Shower's scald/freeze interval to the pulse
frequency cycle of a 9v portable TENS unit. |
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I used to have one of these but recently had it
replaced with a regular shower that always
provides exactly the right temperature, with a
simple on button, I have never looked back. |
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Oh and [LSK] presumably the self flagellation
devices would need a new name. |
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I would consider a simple "activity swimming pool"
variation on this, in which a separate tap of cold
water fills a tipping bucket, with a max capacity,
and while you have a pretty good idea of when its
going to happen you are never quite sure, and may
even be tempted to glance up at it disconcertingly
during your shower. |
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[+] for the cold tipping bucket. Especially good when guests come to stay the night. |
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Yes that will teach them to use up all the Strawberry
Jam at breakfast ! And they will be so quick, that
there may even be some warm water left for the
hosts (inbetween the invigorator of course) |
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Basically, you're annealing yourself <linky>. |
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//Yes, that will teach them to eat all the strawberry jam at breakfast.//
I was admonished for placing jam on Officer's breakfast tables. 'It's bloody uncivilized. shouted the Messing Officer. Only Yorkshire men take jam at breakfast." He probably ate HP sauce with his toast. Like wot I does. |
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I don't get this. Why is this good? Aren't you just
artificially producing the effect of an infuriating
plumbing malfunction? I HATE cold showers. I HATE
being scalded immediately afterwards. Although I
agree, this is likely to wake you up, I also don't
want
to be woken up in a blood-thirsty rage. Nay, a
naked
blood-thirsty rage. |
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Vote withheld for now, despite imagining myself
in a
crippling sodden fury. |
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I don't like malfunctioning showers either [theleopard]. It is all a question of degrees (pun intended). |
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Imagine if the cycle time was very quick - there would be no discernible difference from having a normal, boring 'monotemp' shower. But as you sloooowly adjusted the cycle time to longer and longer intervals, your body would start to notice the difference but you would simply stop adjusting it before reaching the point of discomfort. "Invigoration without Infuriation"*. (*possible company slogan?) |
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If you've had those nasty fluctuating temperature showers, which you obviously have had, it briefly feels pretty darn nice when the temp goes from too hot to cold or from too cold back to hot - as long as it doesn't go too far or for too long of course. I certainly don't envisage cycle times greater than 1 second but mostly considerably quicker. |
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And who knows, there are masochists out there who might LIKE longer cycles - the same as some people like to jump from a steaming sauna into the snow or a frozen lake. That extreme just isn't for everybody, including me, but it is a market. Most of us would just adjust the cycle time to be enough to "put the body on alert without causing crippling, sodden fury"*. (*another possible company slogan?) |
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Reminds me of the Eddie Izzard sketch about
needing to be a safe cracker to operate a shower.
"Just a little bit to the left arrrgghh boiling hot, just
a little bit to the right brrrrarrr icy cold." |
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//Reminds me of the Eddie Izzard sketch// |
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"One nano-millimetre between fantastically hot!...
And fuckin' freezing." |
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Fair enough [Aus], still not convinced mind, but
neither am I against it so gonna stay neutral [ ] |
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So, we will mark you down as lukewarm then. |
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I used to drop the locker key into a plunge pool at a
hotel before going to the sauna. This forced me to
have to jump straight in head down into the cold
water to get the key to get changed. (yes I am aware
of the security risk but there was never much in the
locker other than dry clothes) |
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So put me down for the Scald/Freeze setting. |
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Just flush a toilet. Works every time. |
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