h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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The George Formby Grill looks like a ukulele, similar to the one played by the most excellent George Formby. (probably unknown in the colonies, but you can learn) The two halfs of the small instrument open up to reveal the teflon coated grilling apparatus, stored neatly inside. In fact it's the perfect
size and shape for preparing two fried eggs.
One of the characteristics of this type of grill is its ability to collect the excess grease, which in this case travels down a set of canals that run the length of the handle, looking like the strings of a real ukulele.
Of course any time you are curious, you can attach real strings to it and begin playing it as an actual ukulele. In this case you would commence using your George Formby song book, starting with one of my favourites "When I'm Cleaning WIndows" (see link)
George Formby
http://www.youtube....watch?v=sfmAeijj5cM
when I'm cleaning windows [xenzag, Jun 27 2010]
Vegetable bacon
http://deirdrakelly...ropped-baconkid.gif
Makes you look like this! [xenzag, Apr 29 2017]
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Even though a few of us in the colonies have seen (and heard) George Formby, all I could picture while reading this idea was boxer-pitchman George Foreman doing a Tiny Tim-like rendition of "Tiptoe through the Juleps". |
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What? George Formby is a God! There should be a whole category devoted to him.... look even the great Tindale, in a pre-transformed stage of his development, managed to devote an idea for a fax machine to his memory. (aside - was the transformation from Rod's Tiger like that which Dr WHo encounters, with the emergence of each new character?) |
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It would have to be a more complex name than that, it would be unacceptable to be just Juan Cornetto. |
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if you could see what I could see, when I'm cleaning Teflon.... |
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Hah! So this is what "The George Formby Grill" is ? I always thought it was a (real) infomercial item. |
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When Formby died, at his request, his head was
autopsied* (or craniopsied, whatever), and it was
found that he had a bony growth into his nasal
sinuses. In the 1990's a team from Leeds made a
digital reconstruction of his airways to
demonstrate that this growth was responsible for
his nasally whine. |
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[*I don't mean that he died at his request. Nor
that he made the request when he died. He made
the request some months before his passing.] |
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This voice modulation by way of a nasal defect was what
subsequently became known as the Form by de Septum. |
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Many moons ago, the mighty generous Rods Tiger faxed a
piece of bacon from hip, swinging London to The City of
the Angles [sic], CA. Though I moved long ago, I still haven't
eaten the bacon, which taunts me mercilessly. |
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Speaking of surprised, though I was rather hoping the grill
incorporated thick stainless steel strings into the grill
itself, I won't fret about it. |
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It's still a diamond..... and I still miss my fax machine. It
was simple and hard to ignore, unlike the deluge of daily
email trash that I simply 'select all, delete', but fax me
bacon templates and I will pay attention. Who wouldn't? |
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Yes, of course - but in secret. |
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Ah yes, bacon from vegetarian pigs ... |
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Actually they are a root vegetable, called baconicus-porky.
This resembles a red cabbage, except when you slice it,
you get vegetable rashers that look and taste exactly like
bacon from a pig's arse (or from wherever part of a pig it
comes) Having never tasted bacon, I have no way of
knowing the truth of this. |
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If you have never tasted bacon, it's like growing up listening to elevator music and never hearing Mozart. It's like looking at a lightbulb but never having seen a sunset. It's like wearing nylon and never having touched velvet. If course, elevator music, lightbulbs and nylon are all functionally sufficient. |
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More than good enough for proles. After all, what they've never had, they never miss. If they're happy with LED lighting, McBurgers, pop music and The Sun, leave them alone. Once you start showing them things like real music, wine, and food with a proper taste and flavour, they'll start asking for stupid stuff like education, votes, and human rights, and where will that end up ? |
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No good will come of it, we say. Then again, there's some cheap amusement to be had, like watching a dolphin trying to play a trombone, or Jeremy Corbyn standing for election. You know it's hopeless and going to end in disaster, but it's fun to watch. |
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//like watching a dolphin trying to play a trombone// |
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Actually, SeaWorld (in San Diego, I think, but it may have been one of the other locations) had an orca that they taught to play a somewhat modified piano. |
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Mozart? Don't they play that in the elevators at Tescos to
calm down the bacoholics who have spent too long staring
at the sun instead of inventing better lighbulbs? |
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My understanding is that Tesco is normally a one-floor shop so, no. |
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I don't pretend to be an expert at 'Tesco' structures. A
Tescophile? |
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My overbutler's man's man apparently shops there sometimes. |
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Sounds like you're reading this in Clingon, when you can
only understand Pigeon. |
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Damn you, [xen]! Was just about to post this. |
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Ha ha - you could always write up a George
Foreskin Grill instead! |
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What about a Robert Forward Grill, powered by gravitational anomalies ? |
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The 1974 George Formby Vs. Muhammad Ali fight was, frankly,
a predictable mismatch. Mostly because Formby wasn't in the
best of fighting shape on account of being dead for 13 years. |
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Yes, it surprised everyone that the referee let the fight go on as long as it did, though Formby's win was widely predicted; the points margin was, however, much larger than anticipated. |
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The point I knew it was over was the moment when Formby strummed G minor and then suddenly modulated to an E sharp locrian diminished 9th chord. There was no way Ali could have recovered from that. |
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I'm going to settle this with one simple question:
Could Ali clean windows while singing and playing
a ukelele? No! That's a clear win for George
Formby. |
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Excellent [+] - don’t know how I missed this in 2010. I must have
been busy |
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// Formby strummed G minor and then suddenly modulated to an E sharp locrian diminished 9th chord. // |
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.. while wearing boxing gloves, too. Just aweseome. |
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The George Washington grill can also be used as a
printing press. |
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That sounds like a Revolutionary concept ... |
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Guy plays a ukelele, says his dad's jokes, sings out his nose,
and becomes a legend. One senses that the UK during the
30's and 40's was positively starved for any form of
entertainment. |
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