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Opening scene: Sweep into a small town in Nowhereville, Florida (pop. 8400) into a small church. 2 minute opening scene: everyone is open, friendly, happy, and generally acting out the best of Christianity. The pastor walks in and everyone sits down for some serious religioning. Just before service starts
a handsome man in a business suit walks in, past most of the pews, and sits in the front. When the collection plate is passed, he puts in a huge pile of hundred dollar bills, filling it. The plate is passed from hand to hand with shocked expressions shown. Cut to scene after scene of parishioners talking in their own homes, workplaces, etc about the massive donation. It turns out more than one decided not to donate for a while since the church clearly has enough money now.
The pastor's wife slips a bill into her purse and later we see her buying a dress he had refused to. The pastor is seen by a few people driving his brother in law's new Porche. They assume he bought it with the windfall, and gossip about it. The money is put into the church's general fund. A glazier who worked for free on the church before demands a very large payment for his next work. The Pastor's wife, feeling guilty about the dress, walks in to see him but sees him putting $500 in his own pocket and doesn't. (He will donate the money to a hospital for life-saving medicine but she assumes the worst.)
Scene after scene shows misunderstandings building on each-other. The seven deadly sins are practiced by various people at various points as the money is stolen/attempted to be stolen, defended, argued over, used, demanded, and so on. A reformed drug addict is donated a few hundred dollars and immediately goes out and overdoses, which is assumed by someone else to be a murder, which is avenged on an innocent man. The glazier, having been paid his ridiculous fee, is seen in the background in many scenes eating in the most expensive restaurant and gaining weight. Near the end he dies of a heart attack leaving his teenage child facing being forced into The System. These things continue to culminate.
The final scene: The church by this time has been vandalized, with the pews filthy, two windows broken, and trash on the floor. The pastor's wife kneels beside the pastor's body with a bloody knife right in the middle of the church. She is weeping loudly. The collection plate is included in the shot, broken into 30 pieces. Blood flows down the aisle. Fin.
Devil Came Up To Boston
https://www.youtube...watch?v=zWVcIn7Q4Cc
Sorry [doctorremulac3], it's already been taken. [Selky, Sep 09 2022]
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Annotation:
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[+] I thought he was going to make it rain for 7 days, until the people realized that they were white and therefore naked. |
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I was going to do a whole re-write of;
"Devil Went Down To Florida, he was lookin for a soul to steal", thing... |
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...but I worry about being smitten, so I am abstaining |
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If you believe that, I have some bridges you may be interested in purchasing. |
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Trump, for example, has a house in Florida and is regularly outdoors on golf courses, but still wears fake tan for some reason. Maybe it is also a sunscreen. |
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Don't what? Hahahaha. (you know I will) Starts typing, but oh no, someone has broke in and stolen the keyboard letters I need.... |
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Ooh, I like bridges. But I keep being outbid by someone from Kherson who says they've run out. |
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//outbid by someone from Kherson // |
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They should be all Russian to rebuild them, but if they want to buy mine I will comsider it. |
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Approved, but already baked by he who's name cannot be typed. |
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I had assumed this was a statement against big government socialism undermining the work ethic and associated morality of a culture causing its demise, but interesting how one's perspective on the world creates a subjective response to any story I guess. I saw it as anti socialism but a couple of people saw it as a warning against our latter day Emmanuel Goldstein from Nineteen Eighty-Four. |
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Different people perceiving different messages is interesting. I guess the Florida reference might be taken as pointing a bit towards the latter, but I'll stick with my take on it. I wouldn't elaborate if I were the writer, leave people speculating.
[+] |
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(Although if the Goldstein message WASN'T what you were getting at I'd change the state. I'd suggest The Devil Went Down To Boston which would suggest the devil lives in Vermont which would be my guess.) |
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There is always that danger that stupid and venal people will manipulate your vision. |
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Being stupid and venal oneself can also distort a person's perception of reality. |
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//I had assumed this was a statement against big government socialism undermining the work ethic and associated morality of a culture causing its demise, but interesting how one's perspective on the world creates a subjective response to any story I guess. I saw it as anti socialism but a couple of people saw it as a warning against our latter day Emmanuel Goldstein from Nineteen Eighty-Four. //
Wow. Okay, um.
Actually I intended it as a warning against loving money more than one's fellow man and nothing else. |
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Ahh shoot, I think you should have left it up to the reader. So we were all wrong, but that's sort of interesting. I'd definitely change the name of the state though, you can see where people made the assumption. That being said, the devil giving people money did disconnect the strength that comes from having to be self sufficient and supporting each other with work ethic and brotherhood no? "Hey, the devil's giving us money, it's just about getting our share now." But question: what if you DO love money more than your fellow man? Asking for a friend. |
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So inspired by all that, I'll write another story. "The Devil Went Down To Boston: |
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Scene one: Devil puts a mountain of cash in downtown. |
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Scene two: Everybody quits working because they just go to the town square and grab a pile of cash. |
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Scene three: Everybody lives happily ever after until the twist at the end: |
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Scene four: An asteroid hits the Earth and kills everybody. |
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Didn't see that coming eh? |
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Ohh wait! Then before the credits roll the shot showing the destroyed Earth flashes the words "The End" but then, after a few seconds a question mark punctuates it, so it's like vague 'n stuff. Maybe it's just the beginning? Have people leaving the theater in deep discussion. Or asking for their money back. |
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(But seriously, I liked your story. I think you should put it out there.) |
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That link is wicked awesome Selky! Love it! |
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