The Amtrak Express

Amtrak has been losing money since its inception; there aren't enough riders on the long trips to justify their operating costs and capital expenditures, and so every year they ask Congress for another big loan. The problem? There is just no attraction to riding the train. The accomodations are boring, and the scheduling has all the headache of flying with none of the speed of getting there.

In ages past, the train ride itself was part of the adventure of the trip. My proposal would be to try to bring back some of that flair. Hence, theme trains with some of the same attractions as cruise ships.

First step: bring back the steam piston engines, or create faux steam engine facades to look like them. A fog generator placed in the smoke stack should be convincing enough.

At track switch junctions, actors disguised as train robbers could take over the local track controls.

Murder mysteries are an obvious attraction; the cars would be decorated to match the fabled Orient Express, and riders would have to figure out the 'whodunit.'

The Hollywood theme train would host a movie production crew and a canned script, starring the guests, and could perhaps work in conjunction with the Murder mystery group. Video tape cuts of the final production could be ordered a few weeks after.

Don't forget the casino car, the hot tub car, the lobster tank car, the astronomer's car, the kiddie car, and the surrealist's car. Naturally the surrealist's car would be located next to the bar, and the astronomer's car would have rear carseats installed for romantic teenagers.