h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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I feel that there is a particular lack of Modern day action programs (vis-a-vis the A-Team, Starsky and Hutch, the Dukes of Hazzard, Magnum P.I. .. you get the idea.) The Idea of the School is to teach aspiring television actors the definitive ways to act so that the market can have fresh talent
for our saturday televisual pleasure! The school could teach the following modules : Design 101 : How to Make a Tank from a clapped out Jeep, an acetalyne torch, and some bins. (Taught by B.A.) Style 210 : Looking good in Lycra (Taught by Adam West) Stunts 125 : Perform your own Stunts to make Stunt men look like sissies (Taught by Lee Majors) and of course... P.I. 317 : Private investigation, how to sport a gun, a moustache, and drive a ferrari with supreme style and ease (Taught .. obviously by Tom Selleck)
I would have made some sort of Knight Rider Module about interacting with talking cars.. but it is my sincere belief that David Hasselhoff should never again be exposed to the public.
please add modules you would like to see at the Action School of Excellence!
where the necessary actor is dead then we can always bring in another person from the program.. it was just a silly idea meant for light enternainment.. *groan*
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I think I'd prefer Peter Wyngarde to give the moustache lessons, but otherwise I am in full agreement with the idea. On British TV, the cheesy cop drama seems to have died as an art form and instead we're subjected to a succesion of 'realistic' but basically boring shows.
<thinks>
Another likely class, attendance compulsory, would be 'How not to drive in a straight line' lessons with an option on 'Trash can demolition'. |
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True Rods, but I think the seed was planted when Columbo first made an appearance in the '70's. I mean, how could he catch all those desperate criminals without the aid of a gun, a fast car and a ridiculously dressed underworld contact? He never even got shouted at by his boss. |
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Vacation entitlement for police detectives should also be increased. (boss: "You're off the case!"; detective: "Well, I've got some leave owing to me - I think I might just take some of it...").
Special exploding hubcaps will be offered as an accessory which ping off when your car goes round a corner.
The school may also offer "Suspension of utter disbelief" classes for those detectives about to meet Huggy Bear for the first time. |
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