h a l f b a k e r y"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
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I would like a new sofa, but to date have not found one
that is the correct size I need. The problem is that I have
an old Habitat sofa that fits the space almost exactly.
There is no where else to locate it and Habitat no longer
make that size. From exhaustive searches, no one makes
the size
I need.
If only someone would bring out a Telescopic Sofa. Here's
how it works:
Telescopic Sofa arrives without any cushions, either for
the back or sitting area. You expand or contract its
telescopic frame until it becomes the exact size you
want, then fix the tubular structure into place by turning
a set of locking rings.
A series of numbers are inscribed on the telescopic
tubes. Depending on the size, more or less of the
numbers are revealed. It is these numbers which you
must send in to the makers of the sofa, and they
determine the dimensions of the cushions they need to
make in order to exactly fit your particular sofa.
Once the cushions arrive, you just drop them unto your
frame to complete the process of generating your
perfectly sized sofa.
[link]
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Ooh I like. But how do you account for the fabric bits
that aren't cushion? |
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You could have cleverly designed cushions in a geometrical sequence of inch widths, thus allowing every possible integer inch width sofas to be constructed. Unused cushions would be stored beneath the seat. |
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i.e. 1 2 4 8 16 32 should be enough |
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I don't think people will like using a size 1, a size 2, and a size 4 |
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^Get your feet off of the sofa. Metric is the way to go. |
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OK have them sized in geometric multiples of 24mm, would that be better? |
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I think that squidgy or inflatable cushions would not work because (a) I like a nice firm sofa, and (b) squidgy cushions would squirtle themselves down through between the telescopic tubes. Geometrical seat inserts have a padded upholstered sitting surface for bum-cushion interface, but they have a solid wood or metal substructure to attach firmly and conveniently to the telescopic tubes. |
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Also- without using the 24mm, 48mm and 96mm inserts how do you fine tune the width of your sofa so as to exactly fill the gap between the bone china aspidistra pot, and the corner of the glass case containing a taxidermy antelope being chased by a pack of leopards? You could move the pot but that would merely reveal where the floor was painted around it. |
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Correct. The inscribed calibration numbers are like
a vernier screw system being used to provide total
inbuilt accuracy without the need for any
measuring tape. |
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This could actually be a quite practical idea. Also, it
would be useful for playing horrible psychological games on
people - e.g. by making the sofa a few millimetres smaller
every day they would gradually start to think they were
getting fatter. |
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+ I could have used this when I was shopping for a
new loveseat because I ended up with a chair. |
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A chair can make a great love seat. |
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An extra bun for hippo alone. Don't eat it though, the couch
might shrink a bit... |
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[a1]; those transformer tables are all very well, but you
need to find somewhere else to store all the table-top
sections, which almost defeats the purpose. |
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