Surgery is the solving of health problems by physically
removing,
repositioning or adding to the body. Often, such
procedures solve the issue and occasionally
do it without creating a raft of newer, more interesting
problems.
Surgical training varies internationally, but typically
starts
with a solid academic base. At the end of mandatory
education,
candidates need to be in the top couple of percent,
before
heading
to a top flight university.
In the UK you can begin a medical degree directly,
whereas the
US
prefers a pre-medical degree to weed out the poor.
This education typically includes a foundation in
biochemistry,
physiology, pharmacology, anatomy, pathology, a little
applied
chemistry and physics before students are introduced to
the
coal face of medicine. Here, students follow senior
doctors on
rounds, observing the varied medical disciplines, they
shadow
junior doctors in the examination and treatment of
patients
while
receiving formal instruction and assessment of their
practical
and
interpersonal skills. Eventually, the successful student
will
possess
a range of knowledge and experience enabling them to
monitor
patient treatment, make recommendations and know
when to
pass
along problems.
To become a surgeon, specialization is required. Early in
their
career, a candidate will favor surgical rotations while
maintaining
a consistent 100 hr work week and frequent squash/golf
games
to
ensure maximum visibility in a competitive field. The
candidate
spends increasing time in the operating theater, taking
part in
progressively
complex and extensive surgical techniques under the
supervision
of a senior surgeons. The doctor begins the
transformation to
surgeon,
performing a restricted set of operations. Such
people
waste no time at all before telling you about the
delicacy*
intricacy** and artistry required, and how this is
balanced with
supreme mental and physical endurance, all under the
greatest
of
pressure.
Unfortunately, this is a terrible way of making a capable
surgeon.
Medical training is an exercise in using the first 30 years
selecting for skills and knowledge almost
completely unrelated to the task of surgery. Then, you
ask
someone in their 30s to develop a whole battery of new
fine
motor
skills.
In my life I’ve attempted to teach 2-3 people in the late
20s/early
30s how to play the guitar. This goes badly. While not
impossible,
direct comparison of progress with a 13yo proves
humiliating.
Life
is full of examples: racing drivers, tennis players,
footballers,
pianists, gymnasts and competitive gamers might all
maintain
elite status well into middle age, but all require that the
activity is essentially
mastered
by the mid to late teens. Conversely, people who pick up
similar
activities at 30+yo are dreadful at them. Consider that
roughly
39.15% of the world’s golfers are surgeons. That’s a huge
enrichment, yet a 19yo Tiger Woods would easily beat
the most
dedicated surgeon golfer***.
So what’s the solution? Simple: train teenagers to be
surgeons.
All
the golfing, sitting in a fancy office, BMW driving,
arrogance,
palpating of lumps, pointing at diagrams and X-ray
staring can
be
done by a doctor. Once the type of operation needed is
decided
upon, the patient is placed under the care of a dedicated
and
responsible
anesthesiologist. Then, someone shouts for one of the
teenagers
who sullenly unfolds themselves from their phone-gazing
and is
carefully prepared by someone who understands hygiene.
Teenager
then performs the quad coronary bypass in 45mins while
having
a sulk about which parties they didn’t get invited to.
Teenager then shambles off to collect the payment of a
really
cool pair of jeans, some skateboard bearings or a Beanie
Baby.
Some might
argue that teenagers may not want to learn surgery, but
my
friend
Jessica didn’t want to learn the violin but
parental pressure ensured that she is involuntarily
excellent at the violin.
*orthopedic surgeons have 4lb lump hammers for the
finer work
**orthopedic surgeons have some small bits for their
power
drills
***unless that surgeon possessed the new bs0-co “Power-
Shot
Pro”
line of drivers and irons. Extensive research into the
minds of
the
world’s most affluent golfers has driven the development
of the
Power-Shot Pro. With distinctive styling and reinforcing
copper
(Cu) nanotubes (NT), rivals will take one look at your golf
bag
and
think “CuNT”. $11,952: per driver, Irons 1-8: $10,043,
Irons 10-
54: $9,871. Power Shot research has proven the 9 iron to
be a
money-grabbing conspiracy by unscrupulous
manufacturers.
Don’t
fall victim to this scam.