h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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Forget the audio, wire them directly into the mains. |
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I cannot bun this. The prospect of hearing Andy Murray any more than necessary is dismal. He has a voice that sounds like rain on dead puppies. |
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uh-huh; you just want to hear them grunt. |
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Are they actually coached to grunt nowadays? Just
wondering when I heard a rather elaborate series of noises
from a couple of players yesterday. |
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tennis commentators are the worst. either talk absolute codswallop
or reference their own pathetic careers. |
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"You can't handle the truth !" |
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Sports [-] Why hasn't someone figured out by now who's the very best at sports and settled it once and for all? |
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We could make them kings/queens of sport and then set the remaining athletes to get on with some competitive gyre cleansing, or something that at least in one way or another attempts to reduce the amount of entropy in the universe, rather than all this incessant ball-admin. |
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I suppose the advances in lawn-maintenance go some way in that direction, so it's not all wasted time. |
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Back in the long lost days of my youth, there used to be a program on the BBC called 'The Master Game'. This was an annual chess tournament featuring some of the world's best players. Most of the commentary was done by the players (although it was recorded after the game) & it was, indeed, quite interesting.
Let's face it. This idea couldn't possibly make tennis any duller.+
//Why hasn't someone figured out by now who's the very best at sports//
They have. It's me. That's why I stopped playing some while ago. No challenge in it anymore. |
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We stopped going to Mensa meetings for the same reason. |
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What might help to make things more interesting, is if they played the commentary from a snooker match during a tennis match; cricket commentary over the snooker; and tennis commentary over the cricket. All three would probably make as much sense. |
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Was this inspired by the Murray-Fognini match,
particularly the tanned gentleman's continual babbling? |
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A better (that is, different) idea would be to have a
commentary which is
spoken in the same sort of manner as existing
commentary but without any proper words. Maybe
Unwinised commentary, or a commentary composed
entirely of vocables. In that way, Andrew Castle retains
his sense of self importance without having the ability to
demonstrate that sense. This should be rolled out for all
sporting discussion and, as they term is, analysis, so as to
spare fringe UK nations from the interminable delusional
three lions bum gravy that is piped into our faces every
time some sporting event involves an Englishman /
Englishwoman / organisation with a geographic base in
England. |
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//three lions bum gravy// I'd like to see this phrase fashioned in armoured neon tubes a good 6-inches in diameter, then hoisted aloft by zeppelin at appropriate national interludes. |
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"You can NAT be serious". |
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But maybe it could add something if there were to be a rule that the commentary is to be in iambic pentameter only. |
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I hit my ball across the net,
but after that I got a let,
His forehand I did quite misjudge,
So now unto the line I trudge. |
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An R-101 replica, shirley ? That would emphasize continuity with the glorious tradition of heroic failure, like the Titanic, Gordon's defence of Khartoum, Captain Scott, and British Leyland*. |
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*Though to be fair, the R101 did fly, Scott did reach the pole, Gordon held off the Dervishes for quite a while, and the Titanic got more than half way. British Leyland, however, was just a complete and utter fiasco from start to finish, with nothing whatsoever heroic about it. |
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[calum] really can't remember. yes, castle quite probably one of the
offender's. <yawn> |
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Could be recorded and repurposed for specialist online content |
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As somebody said,. their grunts are quite audible but
rather random. I would prefer if tennis athletes were
taught to convey feelings and ideas though unique
grunts so they could convey ssort of have a
conversation though them during the match,. |
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Now with 25% off. Also known as tetrameters. If you manage actual
pentameters, you're normally let off having to rhyme, except at the end
of the act. |
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