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Be not afraid ... consider the demographics, and reflect on the fact that it's been tried before. |
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Lots of aggressive, intolerant proddy jocks were shipped over to the Province <link> because of the dreadful infestation of bog-trotting Pope-hugging paddys*. It was called the "Plantation". |
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The blood was everywhere. |
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So the idea is to repeat the process on the assumption that history can't possibly repeat itself. |
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What could possibly go wrong ? (Apart, that is, from the absolute certainty of religiously-fuelled inter-community conflict, violence, needless** deaths, destruction of property, bitterness, resentment and a legacy of hatred and distrust passed down from generation to generation i.e. business as usual). |
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Do you want to know how it will work out ? Do you ? Well, here you are. Put on this bowler hat and Union Flag T-shirt and practice humming "The Sash My Father Wore". Now, just walk down that street over there ... it's called the Falls Road ... don't think of it as "cramming in", more "thinning out". |
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Oh, and it might help if you carry this net of oranges. The time ? Oh, five minutes to five... leave it half an hour, then time your walk to take five minutes so you're there at half past five, or 16:90 in local terms ... |
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"Next, let's go over live to the Celtic vs. Rangers match, where the score after three minutes is two falls, one submission, and a knockout ..." |
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*The use of such pejorative language does not in fact indicate any specific prejudice, merely a generalized hatred and contempt for all of them. It would be better if some of them were black as well, then there could be more bigotry for the same effort. |
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**It is undeniable that many of the deaths are in fact necessary, as otherwise the deceased will go on believing in the right God, but in the wrong way, and must be saved from themselves. |
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I knew someone would come along and spoil this idea with facts
and details... |
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Oh, pardon us, do ... never let facts get in the way of a good idea, eh ? |
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There's so much irony here that you could run it through a Bessemer converter* and make it into enough steel to make, for example, a Peace Fence ... |
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All right, yes, it's actually a rant written with the specific intention of baiting and provoking [xenzag], but never miss an opportunity. |
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*More for the look of the thing and the industrial archaeology than for any other reason; the last commercial Bessemer converter shut down decades ago ... |
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Nah, they would botch up each others booze.
Could the Irish make a decent Scotch? Could the Scottish
produce decent Irish whiskey? |
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Great idea. The Picts were the indigenous
custodians of Ireland and Scotland before the
snivelling Celts came along. The plantation went
some way, but full repatriation of the entire
population of Scotland to the land of their
ancestors would complete the process of
restoration. Even the Romans were terrified of the
Picts, so once the process is underway it would be
best for everyone else to stay well clear. |
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Myabe start with some kind of twinning thing. Now that everyone's personal data is in the datacentres it should not be too hard to match people who either look very similar, or have the same name and date of birth, or are comically ill-matched opposites. First of all they get to have "twinned with..." appended to their name in all formal situations, later in informal ones too. Then their identities are gradually exchanged rather than fused so that they become their opposite twin without really noticing. That would save a lot of people moving but still have the desired outcome. |
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// the desired outcome // |
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Genocide ? Ethnic cleansing ? |
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// Great idea. ... Even the Romans were terrified of the Picts,... best for everyone else to stay well clear. // |
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Hmmm. seems that [xen] has a hidden craving for fire-and-the-sword "social reform" after all ... that gives a hint about the genetics at work there ... |
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Though I read it quite Swift-ly, the //elegant logic
of this proposal// seems a very modest proposal
indeed. |
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It's well known that "revolutions eat their own children"; this is just taking it to its logical extreme. |
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Next, let's do Beijing and Taiwan. |
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Both represent the *real* China, right? |
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// The Picts were the indigenous custodians of Ireland and
Scotland before the snivelling Celts came along // |
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Well, though it was previously thought that the Picts spoke
a non-Indoeuropean language, it's now believed that they
were just Celtic language speakers, and the idea that a
Celtic identity has any historical or ethnic basis is quite
shaky. There is, however, Yr Hen Ogledd, before the Irish
came over, when the future Dal Riada was sort of Welsh, so
maybe Scotland should be given back to them? |
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Could be a mad hatter's tea party. When someone calls "move" each country has to move one country along. |
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Don't try that with the Germans; they move along, but keep what they've already got, too ... |
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[zen] //Though I read it quite Swift-ly// - Ha! -
yes, indeed |
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What you should do [hippo] is have the idea discussed in parliament, get them to support making it the topic of a
referendum, being sure to tell everyone that it's only on an *advisory* basis. After all what harm can be done,
right? And, since it's explicitly going to be advisory, if a silly result is returned, we can just carry on and
let common sense prevail. It's not as though simply asking the population to advise on what amounts to a technical
detail could lead to years of economic chaos and generations of lost progress. Nobody would allow that to happen,
surely! And, if the result is marginal, say 51.8 vs 48.2, we could just enact a kind of democratic fudge, no need to go full steam into the very
most damaging and extreme interpretation possible. That would be barmy. |
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Is that the one where everyone allegedly helps choose, and then you end up with a single flavour that no-one actually likes or wants, but is still enormously expensive and unsatisfactory ? |
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[zen] - that sounds like a sensible approach - what
could go wrong?
[8th] - yes and, of course,
everyone will say it's Someone Else's Fault |
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It's "Everyone's fault" and "No-one's fault" simultaneously. |
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Alternatively, you could swap most of the UK and Ireland, and
simply leave Wales where it is. |
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Wales is being towed out to sea, then sunk by
naval gunfire. |
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Presumably the sheep and the steam railway locomotives have been salvaged, and are safe ? |
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On that basis, "Fire as guns bear !" |
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No-one likes the Welsh. They even hate themselves. |
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"The welsh pray on Sundays, and on their neighbours the rest of the week ... " |
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Why not just swap the populations of England and everywhere else? |
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This will allow the English to once again rule the world, as is their natural right. |
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This will also allow all the foreigners to live in England for a bit; a benefit for which they will naturally be most grateful. |
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This idea reminds me of confining fissile material
(freedom loving people) into a small space (small
island). Also, this would considerably simplify the
problem of where Irish-Scottish Americans should
go on vacation when they long to leave the sunny
West and bask in the wind-driven rain that once
moistened their forebears. I only regret that I have
but one bun to give. |
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//Wales is being [...] sunk// |
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Don't worry. It's target practice for an even more
cringe making little banjo twanking island of
perpetual whingers - Ireland. |
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Slightly more difficult, as the wretched place is soggy and mostly submerged already. It will be like trying to torpedo a bath sponge ... |
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If you play the right kind of "music" loud enough,
the local village idiots begin dancing up and down
in unison in their hobnailed boots, which should
help with any submergence issues. |
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Sadly, that practice is worldwide, with different names for "excuses to stomp on things with hobnailed footwear". |
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btw, there are no Morris dancers in Ireland. They were... kicked out. |
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// local village idiots // |
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Apart from a few exceptions: Flann O''Brien and
Belfast scientist John Stewart Bell, who proved
Albert Einstein wrong. (alas both deceased) |
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Albert E. was born in 1879, so would be 141 years old if he were still alive, so it's hardly surprising he isn't. |
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You mean "Flann O'Brien", shirley ? |
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We will send you one of our iphoney improvement kits as a Christmas present. When you've used it, you can keep it for cracking nuts, and knocking in nails and picture hooks. |
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