Sunbathing Cloche

There's nothing quite like the allure of an all-over tan. But many of us either have religious scruples about baring flesh in public, are too prudish, or need to avoid the attentions of paparazzi.

Enter our sun-bathing cloche.

The simplest form is just a robe, made out of UV-transparent material. Change in the privacy of your beach hut, sit/lie on your deck chair, then adjust the robe to reveal as little or as much flesh as desired, knowing that the hidden parts are still browning.

For beaches in Moslem countries, or over-populated by giggling youths, we offer the full cloche: a small tent made out of the self-same material. Screened vents at each end keep a gentle breeze flowing through.

Now you can not only change without prying eyes seeing a millimeter of flesh, but sunbathe starkers, knowing that only Allah and your husband will ever see your nakedness. Or, if you're a godless infidel, that your photos will only be appearing where your agent places them, not the Sunday tabloids.

Shz/bris: that's the material I'm talking about. The technology is not new, only the application. Not everyone (in fact, almost no one, as a percentage of women over 30) is willing to be seen in a bikini.