Subliminal Pet Name Relationship Affirmer

Couples often give each other pet names which express the cute fluffiness they feel toward each other. Honey Buns, Fluff Bunny, Sweet Chops etc. This works well in private and helps to affirm their relationship like the verbal equivalent of chimps gently grooming each other.

In public however an imbalance is often visible. While the female partner in a heterosexual relationship will often interpret their partner's willingness to use and respond to a pet name when in public as a sign of their love, the male partner will exhibit the opposite response. Being called "my ickle love monkey" in front of his mates is likely to make him cringe with embarrassment reminiscent of the days of being kissed goodbye by mummy when dropped-off at the school gates. It will almost certainly cause his mates to adopt the pet name as his new nickname and taunt him mercilessly. All-in-all the challenge to his masculinity is too much for him to bear. And as for ending his phone calls with "I love you too smoochy muffin" - well you can imagine his face reddening with shame. Of course this does not apply when the pet name is sexual in nature - "jiggly jugs" is all-together a more acceptable pet name for his partner to be overheard by his mates.

So to the solution. A technique such as hypnotism or subliminal implantation is exploited in order to condition each party such that whenever they hear their partner calling them by name their brain convinces them that they have heard the pet name instead. Likewise whenever they try to speak the pet name, their mouth outputs the real name. As "tickle tum" and "cuddle butt" converse freely they are blissfully unaware that they are actually using their real names. If hypnotists can convince their subjects that they are eating juicy apples when in fact they are munching down on onions then this should be a trivial task. Perhaps a screen saver could flash up the conditioning message at regular intervals?

This technique has the added advantage that those who aren't in relationships don't feel obliged to make the universal finger-down-the-throat gesture implying sick-making when in the presence of a loving couple chatting back and forth.

Of course dobtabulous, secure in his masculinity, would never resort to such subterfuge and deception - but offers this idea to help the less secure.