h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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Like in Beowulf, when Hroðgar, Beowulf and their men track Grendel's mother to her lair under a lake, there's not a single mention of a "Wet Floor - slip hazard" cone?
Of course the worst is Jack and Giant beanstalk, "I'll have his bones to grind my bread". Nary a mention of food labelling or a "best
before" date.
[link]
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...what fun would that be?
Hansel and Gretel with their heads in the oven or eating the Gingerbread House? |
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all those graphic little "pinch point" icons all over Lancelot's armor... [+] |
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Hah! I'll bet not a single "may contain nuts" warning label... |
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Or Arthur pulling Excalibur from the stone, but this time wearing back protection having read, chiselled into the stone.."Lifting hazard. Single person lift could cause injury. Use assistance when moving or lifting heavy objects." |
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Or, more classically, how Odysseus (seeing the mandatory ear protection zone hazard notice) made it past the Isle of Sirens very easily. |
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//Kind of a bad example... is beeswax OSHA approved for hearing protection? |
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[wonders what bees do for ear protection. If they have ears?] |
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...the battle of Thermopylae postponed indefinitely as Xerxes, King of the Persians, realises he's forgotten to fill in the Risk Assessment and Policy template. |
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Signs on a castle dungeon wall somewhere: "This
facility has gone xxiv days accident-free in the
torture chamber. Please help us maintain our record
by minding all safety equipment when using the
torture devices." |
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Star Wars, any particular episode: "Please hold
handrails if engaged in swordplay near this area." |
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//This facility has gone xxiv days accident-free in the torture chamber. |
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Helmet and knee-pads for Icarus. |
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Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down
And broke his crown
And Jill sued their employer. |
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We think we face ridiculous amounts of idiotic labeling - this would be far worse. |
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"Do not sit on this wall. Neither the royal personnel nor equines are adequately trained in surgical repair of eggs" |
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That reminds me of the day the sky was falling down. There was no early warning signal!
(I'm having fun, so gave a bun!) |
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Three blind mice put you up to this didn't they? |
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The Sorcerer's Apprentice...Mickey actually does notice the "Notice - Do not leave machine unattended" sign, and just breaks out the Roomba. |
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Dracula finally gives up and goes back to the old country, finding that the two yellow Needle-stick/Sharps hazard bungs on his canines are doing nothing for his love life. |
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'The Fly:' WARNING: TRANSPORT IS ONLY DESIGNED
FOR ONE OCCUPANT AT A TIME. FAILURE TO COMPLY
MAY RESULT IN GENETIC COMBINATION OR
MUTATION. |
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Lady MacBeth reading the illustrated handwashing instructions mounted to the wall above the sink, and wondering whether to use the strange foaming soap dispenser or the self-drying alcohol gel. |
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AP 12 April 2013: Federal authorities gain an
injunction prohibiting Acme Products Inc (a Delaware
corporation) from shipping any more product to one
Wile E Coyote, citing multiple safety issues due to
the user's non-compliance with standard safety
protocols, endangering the community, and
specifically threatening indigenous non-flying avian
species, and causing harm to himself. |
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Acme Products Inc (a Delaware corporation)
announced it has been purchased by a Chinese
conglomerate, and will outsource all manufacturing
jobs to Zimbabwe. The warehousing and distribution
centers will remain intact during the transition.
Acme representative Ima Duchbagh cited increased
labor costs as the determining factor in outsourcing
manufacturing. |
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In fact, during the exit from the Apollo 11 moon lander Armstrong flubbed his lines because he'd just realised he'd forgotten to put the "Hard Vacuum hazard" cones out beforehand. |
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Finally, the truth can be told. |
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"And he breathed in his nostrils a wind of lives."
Caution: Life is mortal, and always ends undesirably.
Wait! Actually that's what it says... |
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We're not going to get on to the Quelippot or something are? |
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Posits some Divine lack of reading of the hazard notices before opening the box marked "DIY Universe". |
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Warning: Manufacturer assumes no liability for events
that may result from the opening of Pandora's Box
(tm). |
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I'm wondering about the application for Hell, but then the whole place would grind to a halt, more likely to succeed would be the military. "Muzzle- do no stand in front of, danger of death" etc |
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The Flintstones wouldn't get very far. Please keep all
appendages inside the vehicle at all times. |
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"Ah, Mr. Bond, we've been expecting you.
Your hi-vis coat can be spotted some distance
awy …" |
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//The Flintstones wouldn't get very far. Please keep all appendages inside the vehicle at all times |
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That was the pilot for a more gritty modern remake, where Fred, fired from the quarry by the new Chinese owners, drunkenly exposes himself from the car and Pebbles gets taken away by social services, if I remember correctly. |
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And the cave got foreclosed on. |
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