h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Orlando sloppily separated some lines from the large batch of
powder on the table. If this stuff was as pure as the Colombian gear
flooding the streets recently they might be able to carve
themselves a market, get back on top the Kings of New York -
just like the old days. Orlando dreamed of
the big time as he diced
the pile into 3 lines, one for Luis, one for El Bicho, and the largest
one for himself.
The small camp somewhere East of Caborca seemed to creak in
unison, the wooden huts groaning under the hot Mexican wind.
Even at night the humidity burned its way through your skin and
laid to rest like dust. The beams of light from outside were
intermittently cut by the armed guards roaming the site. The camp
was extremely well protected, and Orlando could feel the
professionalism with which he was dealing.
As the coke shot up Orlando's nose and into his bloodstream, and
the synapses in his brain began to fizz and click their fingers,
discovering new thoughts and avenues of adventure, the sound of
confusion rose from outside. Orlando was aware something was
very wrong, even before the noise grew, and the sounds of human
screams became clearer. His hand moved of its own accord to the
handgun strapped under his arm and he stood abruptly, careering
his chair noisily across the room.
The door burst open and José fell to the wooden floor in frenzied
hysterics.
Luis picked him up, "José! What is happening?"
Wide-eyed and with his mouth straining to one side, José replied in
what could only be abject terror. "He's here Luis! The Devil has
come to collect his due! Such horrible things," he wrenched his arm
from Luis' grip, "You dont understand! They're coming for us!" He
stumbled back against the wall.
"Calm down José! Youre not making any sense."
"José!" El Bicho walked towards him. "You'll answer us or I will fill
your face with my knuckles. There's nuthin' out there worse than
me, amigo."
"I'll take my chances!" he cried
Orlando was nervous. No, not nervous. Anxious - but thinking
clearly. He unholstered his handgun, walked calmly over to José,
pushed his shoulders hard against the wall and placed the barrel
dead centre on José's forehead.
"Tell me what I want to know, José."
José breathed heavily for some time, his eyes flicking about, taking
everything in as if his life depended on it. He took one last deep
breath and spoke.
"All of the guards are dead Orlando. These things came from the
sky! Enormous beasts," José responded to the added pressure
from the gun barrel, "It's true amigo! Giant monsters with eight legs,
horns on their heads, and beards on their chins, shooting pellets of
steel from their giant udders! They move silently and are on you
before you even knew they were there, man! I heard screams, and I
don't know why but I looked up, and they were coming down from
the sky! They're everywhere man! Orlando, please! We've got to
leave! Now!"
Orlando had heard of such things. "Spidergoats. They're real." The
mutated brethren of the spidersilk industry. He uncocked the gun
and lowered it absently. He stared over José's shoulder imagining
the monstrosities that the US military had adopted to combat South
American drug running. He brought his gaze back to José's.
José was transfixed on a point in space above and behind
Orlando's shoulder. He was trembling so much beads of sweat from
his cheeks flicked off his face as if leaping to their deaths in terror.
José's eyes - Orlando had never seen such horror - a horned spider
crawling out of their reflection.
"Dios me perdone."
Spidergoats, Balloon!
http://www.agricult...mber/011109OSL.html A write-up on those daring young arachinds and their flying machines. [Noexit, Feb 06 2008]
Homosapienaic WMD
Human_20Precipitati...Defence_20Programme Care Bears, not Bonjour Petit Chat. [theleopard, Feb 06 2008]
Will these scientists never learn?!!!
http://en.wikipedia.../Sheep-goat_chimera [theleopard, Feb 07 2008]
Now they can swim!!!!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippocamp (To be fair, this looks like a completely useless, nay, harmless creature.) [theleopard, Feb 07 2008]
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A buzzing noise made him spin round, and before him sat El Bicho, his trouser leg rolled above the knee. |
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Suddenly his tuneful limp was explained. In a moment of rare clarity, Orlando sprang into action. |
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In clumsy drug-fuelled jerks, they up-ended El Bicho as he was loosening the fastenings of his droning leg. |
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As the first wave of angry insects took flight, a spidergoat lunged at José. |
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"Goat jam it" yelled Orlando, and in a flash, the sugary dollop of defence struck udder. |
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Orlando knew the fight was far from over, but at least they were still in it. |
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Now if we could just make them with human faces, women's hair, lion's teeth, and locust bodies we'd be all set. |
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[UnaBubba] That was my initial sentiment, along with "You obviously have far too much time on your hands, perhaps it might be better spent seeking professional help". |
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But then I realised it applies to me too, so I just went with it. |
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[UnaBubba], please, from the beginning, if you will. |
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You know in your heart of hearts that this is a perfectly plausible theory, and reflects everyone's fears of what might indeed happen when genetically splicing goats with spiders. It won't be long before these monsters of science will be unleashed upon small unsuspecting countries, whose governments valiantly oppose the West's foreign policy. The whole catastrophy finally concluding with a complete loss of control over the spidergoats, coupled with an incomprehensible breeding rate and finally culminating with the birth, and international recognition, of an entire arachni-capra nation. |
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I implore you to reconsider. This, along with human precipitation, is among the most terrible of threats our plighted planet faces. |
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I guess you can't complain MFD genetic engineering if it's already been done, so I just sit back and welcome our new spidergoat overlords (+). |
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Even more plausible than the government dropping them on unsuspecting third world drug lords is the notion of spidergoat offspring ballooning to further spread the species. |
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i didn't vote last time because you mentioned hello kitty as a weapon of mass destruction. |
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i'll give you a bun today for not mentioning her name. |
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//hello kitty as a weapon of mass destruction.// |
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The Care Bears my dear. I wouldn't say anything bad about Hello Kitty. It's the Care Bears that are a bunch of murdering bastards. |
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//It's the Care Bears that are a bunch of murdering bastards.//
*GASP* |
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(sorely tempted to take back bun) |
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[noexit], I envision a big Queen spidergoat in a constant state of propagation, probably nesting on a rickety old bridge over a river, scaring away a family of peaceful trolls that lived underneath. |
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Furthermore these genetically liberal creatures might find ways of inducing other species into their genus, like, for instance, lions and serpents. Yes. That's right. Beware the Chimera my friends, for it will rear its ugly heads once more! |
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It's been happening for years!!! [links] |
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You sound awfully like a Care Bear [UnaBubba], if that is your real name... |
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Sounds more like a Scare Bear. |
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//and the synapses in his brain began to fizz and click their fingers, discovering new thoughts and avenues of adventure\\ Doesn't happen, coke is no fun. Don't perpetuate that myth. |
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Coke is fun, that's why people take it and why it's such a massively popular drug with a thriving illegal market. It's the long term socio-economic results to third-world coca-growing countries that is no fun, along with the personal effects of cocaine addiction destroying your brain, your personality and your health. |
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But, we're talking about spidergoats here. And filthy bastard Care Bears. I'm sure you have an opinion on these? |
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Who says they have cocks? |
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I've never written a videogame. I'm sure I don't know how. But I'm going to learn, and I'm going to write a game chock full o' spidergoats. And the final boss shall be their Queen. |
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Or is that too much like Half-Life? |
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Old McDonald had a farm... and on that farm he HAD a goat.. |
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This kinda reminds me of the old classic budget movie "Revenge of Billy the Kid". |
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Old McDonald was into genetic engineering? Who knew? |
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But that still doesn't explain all the E-I-E-I-O crap. |
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Drugs like DET, DMT, LSD and the natural ones like Peyote, mushrooms, toadspit, thc and such can cause a state of mind in which one experiences fun. Other drugs like coffee, speed and yes, coke enable one to do more of other drugs than usual, like alcohol (in most cases), or to dance longer or to feel less pain. These drugs are not in themselves fun. And even the fun drugs can ofcourse fry your brains out so don't do it. I do not believe you know what you are talking about. |
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I have no knowledge of these care bears so I will refrain from forming an opinion which would be solely based on these immature ramblings. |
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Thanks for sharing. I think you're wrong, and quite insulting with it, but you have your opinion as I have mine. I'd appreciate it if you didn't hijack an idea's thread to air your social agenda though. |
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The gentelest of annotaters am I, he who finds offence finds himself. |
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[zeno], never have I encountered smugness on such a grandiose scale. Your arrogant, self-satisfying annotations are as patronising as they are erroneous. You're dragging me into a discussion that I had no wish to pursue like some kind of lecherous left-wing troll and it irks me. I am terribly irked. |
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Hook, line and sinker, I'll begin: Coke does not just "enable one to do more of other drugs than usual" and increase stamina. Do you think the consumers of a $77billion industry's product would all be taking it just to be able to take more of other stuff? People enjoy the drug because it breaks down the social barriers they felt before, it makes them feel good about themselves, confident, outgoing, like the soul of the party. They have fun as a result. |
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Unlike the introspective hallucinogenics you appear to prefer, cocaine is a social drug fur having fun with other people. Yes, it has its drawbacks (due to excessive use) like arrogance and sometimes aggressive behaviour, but so do all drugs. |
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No drugs are in themselves "fun". They are catalysts. If you feel like killing yourself, drugs will fuel that fire. If you are having a good time, drugs potentially can elevate your enjoyment. |
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You clearly don't know what you're talking about and are more concerned with appearing like a dutiful, morally upstanding PC activist. You've forced me to defend an illegal narcotic in order to outline your apparent ignorance and this makes me very uncomfortable. Despite the appearance of my argument, I don't condone the use of any illegal drugs. |
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If you don't like immature ramblings I suggest you find somewhere other than the 'bakery to nestle your preachy do-gooder crusade. |
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Being from Holland doesn't necessarily equate to an exhaustive knowledge of narcotics. |
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And coffee isn't a drug, caffeine is. |
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Well, as long as we agree we shouldn't advocate the use of any drugs to others, I'll leave it alone. |
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<<turns to mother, points at [theleopard] and cries he started it>> |
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<Wipes sweat from brow> Phew, that was most uncharacteristic of me. Sorry, I'm just having a bit of trouble controlling these BASTARD MOODSWINGS. Talking of coffee, does anyone fancy one? |
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//You're rght, caffeine is the drug, as I pointed out.// |
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[UnaBubba], you're not saying... we're both right, are you? |
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I want a new drug. One that does what it should. One that won't make me feel too bad, one that won't make me feel too good. |
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//One that won't make me feel too bad, one that won't make me feel too good.// |
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That's just no drugs at all isn't it? |
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//The -ine on the end gives it away.// Like in "brine", "chlorine" and "fluorine"? |
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Are dogs, cats, horses and cows all alkaloids as well? How do you take them? Smoke them? Snort them? |
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The only creature I would inject is herron. |
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Careful with that. The injection can cause
moles. |
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reached up to "dust" and then lost you. Could you
give a synapsis. I know its an old idea but looks
like
one that interests me (spiders, parachutes) |
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ok ok, read it all, and the links. [hippo] did you see
that? ... |
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Simply put: US military to fight drugs with a
medically created hybrid "ballooning spider" and
goat, that falls out of the sky, scaring the whits
out of the drug dealers and their suppliers. |
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The spider reaches extreme heights using its fiber,
then grows to the size of a goat and falls from the
sky together with thick silk webs. |
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Some of the details left to the halfbakers
imagination. |
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It would be slightly awesome to look out over the
fields on a spring morning and see all the little
spidergoatlets trailing gossamer threads, rising on
the thermals to colonize new land. |
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Crumbs, didn't think I'd see this one come back up. |
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If I remember correctly, there were a glut of spider-
goat silk ideas at the time, and while everyone was
talking about a goat with tiny spider-like attributes
(the ability to secrete silk), my B-movie brain could
only foresee this, the mutated offspring: enormous
spiders with goat-like attributes (horns, udders),
inevitably used by the US military in their perpetual
war on drugs. |
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