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Spider Moat
Protect your home and family from the invading force! | |
I walked into the bathroom the other morning to find an evil spider glaring up from the bath tub. It got me thinking about the bath tubs special ability for entrapping the eight-legged fiends.
New houses should have inbuilt moats with steep porcelain walls. Any invading spiders would not be
able to scale the slick sides to gain access to the house.
Sure, the moat will fill with leaves, water and general nature bits; an in-built flush mechanism could help prevent this. Collected rainwater would be stored in a tank, available for general garden purposes and the flushing of the moat.
Drawbridges would obviously be needed too!
Dock Spider
http://www.ottertoo...e/fishingspider.htm
they laugh at moats [lintkeeper2, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
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Ooo, I like it. Would it have to be a U (tub cross section) shaped object or would an L with the tall side toward the house be spider proof? An L shape would collect less foreign "stuff" since one side would be open. You wouldn't catch spiders (rodents, small pets, children's toys) just keep them on their side of the moat/barrier.
I'd like one with some gentle curves and contours in a color to match my house, please. |
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Also need baby scooper outers.
Kids can
drown in an inch of water. |
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Good point, an L shape would probably work out better, but would for-go the rainwater collection...perhaps an optional design would be best... |
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But baby spiders fly on very light webs. How would you stop those from flying in a window? |
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Intelligent detection system with active fan control? :) |
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Bad science - slick walls won't help one bit, even before they get dirty, simply because spiders don't get into your house solely by climbing up the walls. Baby spiders set off into the world by kiting - issuing a long silk streamer that catches the wind and hauls them into the air and off to their destiny. |
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So they'll be dropping down from the rafters, flying in through the windows, and whatever other images will give bliss the shudders. |
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From the title, I envisioned a moat teeming with spiders that would keep out burgulars and the like. |
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I read a story about a jewelry store that got robbed a lot. After a bit they put up a sign: "Warning: This Area Patrolled By A Tarantula!" Apparently the larceny dropped off abrubtly. And yes, they actually had a tarantula they let out of his aquarium at night. |
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Mmmm - a spider-filled moat to drop mormons into. Good call! [+] |
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You always have a place to "go", even when all the other bathrooms are busy, especially at house parties... |
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<flashback>
When I was
young we had a small rope-ladder tied
to the taps to allow spiders who had
fallen into the bath to climb out
again. The weird thing is that I can
still remember the poem which came
with this rope-ladder:
The
spider climbs not up the plug
For it
is blocked with water
So do not
wash him down again
You know
you didn't orta
Just hang this
little ladder out
Between the H and
C taps
And watch him clamber out
again
And dry eight hairy
kneecaps
</flashback> |
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The spider army will encamp just outside your gleaming walls. You will notice their dewy webs with growing unease. Then, one day, they will mass at the gates, and scale the walls using rope ladders and streams of spider silk. You will retaliate, of course, tipping over tiny cauldrons of boiling oil on the eight-legged invaders. You will kill hundreds, but their piercing screams will just embolden the others. And soon your porcelain castle will fall to the hairy barbarians, and the alpha spider will perch on your back, his nine eyes glinting in the sun. |
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Heh, thanks for the warning [Idischler]. |
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How about a network of air compressors surrounding the house which forces invaders into a moat which is periodically flushed with concentrated sulfuric acid! |
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I don't know if I agree with Dr.
Curry, (and others?) who argue the
ineffectiveness of this. In the
house out in the woods my family
moved to when I
was 9, the previous owner had
treated the foundation with
chloridane (sp?), a really nasty bug
killer. We never had a walking bug
of any kind in that house for the
first 10 years. |
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What about dock spiders? They can walk on water.(link)..... Or how 'bout the tarantulas and black widows that hitchhike in on a bunch of bananas? |
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[oc] Let me guess - you also were also never kept up by birds singing? |
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Plenty of birds. What kept me up
were the crickets in the summer. |
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We tried to take the last 2 ounces
of chloridane (the previous owner
left it for us) to the hazmat
collection center, and they looked
at it and said," just take that home
and put it back on the shelf. We'll
all pretend you never came by." |
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I think I would welcome the spiders into my house if they continue to keep down the populations of other pests that might fly over, or burrow under such a moat. I'd rather have the one creepy-crawler that makes its where-abouts well known (in its web), or the odd guest appearance in the tub, than hordes of who-knows-whats. |
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If you suffer with ants, then this moat is perfect (as long as the nest is on the other side of the moat, of course). I often wonder about having a house on stilts, sitting above water. But then some fish would be required to keep the mosquito population under control. |
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[ldischler] that is exactly the kind of scenario I worry about every time I come across one of Satan's eight-legged messengers of doom in the house. When I was small my dad told me you only ever get one spider in a room at once because they are territorial, but now I know he was lying! <shudder> |
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I'm with [xrayted] on this one. I don't mind spiders in my house (except when a ginormous one runs across your toes unexpectedly). I've got three in my kitchen to my knowledge. One of them (a really teeny weeny one), has somehow learned that they can get a drink when the kettle's boiling by coming down to suck the condensation off the walls when I make a cup of tea. Amazing really. I always thought they were a bit dim. |
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//[a teeny weeny spider] has somehow learned that they can get a drink when the kettle's boiling by coming down to suck the condensation off the walls when I make a cup of tea.// |
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I plan (on the day that tuits are free) to make a game with a set of amicable creatures which don't eat each other. The spider was going to drink tea. I'm glad that's true. |
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