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Speed-'em-Up Toilets
For use in high-traffic restrooms that accumulate long lines. Inspired by airline toilets. | |
This is a toilet that forms an airtight
seal around your arse, then evacuates
all the air from the toilet, creating a
powerful suction to rapidly empty
one's bowels. Combine with an ultra-
low frequency bass amplifier to break
up any stubborn blockages, and you'll
see shorter lines at bars
(meaning
more
people getting back to the business of
buying your beer) and fewer break
violations at work.
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Annotation:
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Worst case: rectal prolapse. More likely: thigh fart sounds. |
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possible use in the case of dysfunctional colon muscles; apart from that... <ugh>. |
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Very similar... but it's the bass amplifier that makes the difference. |
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This may be quite the draw that the poster expected ... [+] |
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//I suggest modelling it on the shape of a traffic cone//
<cautiously> In which orientation? </c> |
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// I suggest modelling it on the shape of a traffic cone.//
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Did anyone see a goat around here? |
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Jiffy Loo, Now with extreme prolapse protection, In and "out" in five minutes or less, Guaranteed or your money back. Ask about our free belts and hoses inspection. 20% off all bidet and hemorrhoid services through march. Get ready for the summer weather with an undercarriage "painless" waxing. All of our proctal technicians are SAE certified. Present this coupon to receive a free "happy ending" with any #1 or #2 service. |
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Wcw... that is so wrong! And don't you mean A.R.S.E. (American Rectal Service Equipment) certified instead of SAE? |
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no, Society of Anal Extractors. |
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Does it come with tyre lever to prise you off the seat afterwards? |
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No, it just repressurizes. |
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I'm not sure you understand how the bowel really works. |
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It's potentially hazardous to literally suction out one's waste. The better alternative is to place sensors and apply a mild electric shock to quicken one's rectal muscles' evacuation rhythm. |
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