h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Echo location is no longer for the bats. With very little modification of the whistle location devices that currently exist (crude ones exist for about $3.00 AUD), it's possible to find your way in the dark to your bathroom.
By using any type of bluetac or glue you can attach a whistle keyring to
the top of the toilet (near the button could be good) you can then whistle your way to relief, free from stubbed toes and banged foreheads.
More sophisticated versions could be created, of course, but for $3 you can at least find your way there, in the dark, should you be in a strange house.
Just try not to feel stupid as you whistle your way through the house in the dark.
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But what if your mouth is full of crackers and you've really gotta go? |
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1. The householder wakes up with a powerful awareness of very full bladder. |
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2. Eyes half closed, lights off, he attempts to whistle his way to bathroom, listening to the returning guidance bleeps from Sonar Beacon in bathroom. |
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3. The Faithful Dog, having been kipping peacefully on hearthrug, hears the whistles, and bounds upstairs anticipating early walk. |
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4. Stupefied householder and excited dog meet halfway along landing, in total darkness. Note that in the collision, momentum is conserved, but kinetic energy is not. |
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5. <This space to be filled by Hanna-Barbera cartoon sequence> |
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6. All the lights are on in the house and in the two houses on either side. The burgular alarm is sounding. The dog, having been trodden on, is barking furiously. The householder, now fully awake, is in the bathroom, trying to simultaneously relieve the pressure in his bladder, tend to multiple contusions, abrasions and minor sprains, and staunch the flow of blood from the dog bite in his calf. Approaching police sirens can be heard in the distance. The householder's partner has smashed the Sonic Locator by striking it with a convenient heavy object, and is awating an opportunity to dispose of the fragments by flushing them down the toilet. |
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Do I need to draw pictures ? |
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You forgot the sonar bathroom lightning rod extender to flood the hall with light. |
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Oooh, so I did. Bend over, [FJ]..... |
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How about whistle activated floor lighting, similar to emergency lighting on aircraft... directing you on where to place your 'emergency exits'. |
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It usually doesn't take long for one to memorize the location of the bathroom in one's own house...
Toilet finding is more of a problem when you're on a <euphemism>sleepover with a new friend</euphemism>
The considerate host issues night vision goggles to guests. |
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I was hoping that this was a devices that 'pings' the potential toilet user and then the pitch/frequency would increase as you closed in on it, thus enabling you to tell whether or not you were heading in the right direction without having to be able to correctly locate the sound origin. |
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//But what if your mouth is full of crackers and you've really gotta go?//
Could you rephrase that? |
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Can you imagine how much kids'd love this? Parents would never get any sleep. |
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I'd invite company and then whistle when they use the toilet. |
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Isn't one concerned about waking other sleepers? I use a $.20 nightlight - works great, and has added benefit of not having to flip on the blinding light once destination is reached. I suppose the two could be combined, if waking sleepers is not a concern. |
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Seems to me this is only a problem in other people's houses. So you need to find a way to surreptitously install your nitelites before you hit the sack. Whether this is a problem presumably depends on the amount of alcohol consumed, the speed with which you originally approach the bedroom, and whether another person is involved. |
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