h a l f b a k e r yExperiencing technical difficulties since 1999
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Ever hear that saying, "An elevator smells different to a midget?" Stems from the fact that people are often crammed in elevators like anchovies. People board, maybe mumble a greeting, punch their floor number, and then try to fix their eyes on something neutral that they can pretend to be rapt upon,
generally the glowing floor numbers, while they complete their stiff, silent ride to wherever, all the while stealing furtive sideways glances at each others cleavage, bald spot, wristwatch, necktie, etc. etc. They find themselves in closer proximity to utter strangers than is normal anywhere but in Tokyo. And it weirds them out.
SO, how about a new generation of elevators that are oversized and fitted with cusioned benching all around so that passengers would have little choice but to be seated and face each other. Relaxing aromatherapy would exude from the ventilators, actual music (NOT muzak) would play, yes at risk that some or all patrons might not agree with the spinner's choice of the morning. There would be no buttons, and a microphone supported by speech-recognition software would be spoken into in order to state one's floor of destination. The order would have to be placed in civil terms, such as, "Good morning, 12th floor please!", somewhat breaking the ice a bit. Otherwise the floor would not register. Only chosen floors would be announced upon arrival, in a pleasant recorded voice with no robotic overtones, and no glowing numbers.
Ideal for singles and taller buildings where rides are longer. Instead of making elevators jet up and down, they could take a leisurely and even scenic pace, if built on the outside of buildings, and be something to look forward too.
Possibly espresso shots could be served in the morning and at quitting time, liquor shots could be substituted, further lubricating the social atmosphere. The only real problem I can see with this last feature is possible excessive round-trip riding and subsequent overcrowding; some protocol would have to be observed. But that would indicate success, would it not?
Only this one doesn't move...
http://www.theelevatorbar.com/
... at least not 'till you've had a few. [panamax, Aug 25 2002, last modified Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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The problem with making elevators bigger, I think, is not so much the space alotted to them, but that if they're bigger they'll be much heavier and thus much more expensive. Still, a good idea. |
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I do think the same effect could be achieved through the reintroduction of bellhops. (<wistful sigh>Ahh, bellhops.) Anyhoo, perhaps a small cocktail bar in the corner would help with icebreaking. |
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"12th Floor, please, my good man. And a dry gin martini, thank you." |
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Bellhops, 1: Do-it-alone, 0
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Harks to my own research suggesting that a trashpicker can earn more and recycle more if allowed to sit a wastecan and receive trash for immediate sorting, vs. waiting 5 hours for the house custodian to haul the now full can to outside recepticles before sorting trash in the back lot. |
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Huh? [reensure], I think you're annotating the Dumpster Suit by mistake! |
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If people are uncomfortable with the social dynamics of the average elevator, we can always return to the concept of the paternoster elevator at substantially less expense than retrofitted club cars with attending bartenders. I understand that "sneak-drinkers" and on-the-job alcoholics prefer the privacy that a paternoster provides between floors. |
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