h a l f b a k e r y"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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It is snowing in East Anglia, and already the place has
been
brought to a standstill. Some of the drifts are up to two
inches deep.
Unfortunately, such a thin dusting of snow is ill-suited to
making giant snowballs and, thence, a snowman. You
would have to start in Cambridge and roll all
the way out
to Newmarket to make even a half-decent snowman
thorax. Moreovermore, snow is quite heavy stuff, and
this
limits the size of snowman one can realistically create.
However, MaxCo. (as ever) to the rescue. This spring
(having missed winter, which is really a great pity), we
are
launching our range of Snowball Cores. Each Core is a
spherical shell made of hundreds of fine, interwoven
carbon fibre
rods for a combination of lightness, stiffness and
interwovenness. They are available in diameters from
103cm up to a whopping 9ft 7 3/4".
Simply place the Snowball Core in the middle of a light
dusting of snow, and begin to roll. The snow will be
picked
up by the meshy surface, quickly creating a uniform
coating and producing a vast, perfectly spherical yet
lightweight snowball, ready for any project requiring a
vast, perfectly spherical yet lightweight snowball.
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// 103cm up to a whopping 9ft 7 3/4". // |
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We are only interested in purchasing if there is a version sized to I. K. Brunel's 7' 1/4" Broad Gauge. |
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//already the place has been brought to a standstill.//
//Some of the drifts are up to two inches deep.// |
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Umm, has anyone got something to stick this back on with? |
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Please stop, I nearly choked myself into a seizure there :) |
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A depressingly accurate narrative regarding the inability of
our millennial snowflake filled nation to deal with.. well.. a
few snowflakes, though. |
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Comes in two sizes I presume, one for the body & one for the
head, is there a complimentary plastic carrot & two lumps of
plastic coal? |
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// the inability of our millennial snowflake filled nation to deal with.. well.. a few snowflakes // |
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Hindsight's a wonderful thing. |
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Between 1940 and 1944, the Luftwaffe dropped tens of thousands of tons of high explosive ordnance on Britain. |
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All they needed was to stuff a sack with good quality Bavarian snow and lob it out of a cruising Fieseler Storch at treetop height over the A1, and Churchill would have been blubbing for a peace deal within minutes. |
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The fools ... if they'd done it right, Germany would be dominating all of europe by now. |
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//only interested in purchasing if there is a version sized to
Brunels 7' 1/4" Broad Gauge.// |
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Sir, this is MaxCo. you are dealing with, not some fly-by-
night hagpoacher's van. When we say "from" and "to", we
mean "from", "to" and all sizes in between at Planck-length
intervals. The item code for 7' 1/4" is, unfortunately, too
long to accommodate in an annotation. |
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Nice [+] could be used to make a line of “very
disappointing dumplings” popular with anorexics and
religious ascetics, and prescribed by drs (but less popular in
that case) |
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[+] for any idea that proposes an alternative to visiting
Newmarket. |
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[+] for the diction alone. I wish I could give you a second for the idea |
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I think one might best use these by placing them in
the desired final site and then packing on a layer by
hand. |
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Are you missing your winter? We seem to have run across
an stray one wandering in every week or so looking for its
owner. There were no tags on it, so we sent it to the
pound. |
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Do you have to refridgerate them first? |
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