h a l f b a k e r yIt might be better to just get another gerbil.
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Snow Baler
Just Because, And To Maybe Build a Fort | |
Regular snow blowers shoot their snow willy-nilly
all over what is unfortunate enough to be in the
way.
This custom snow blower creates tightly packed
bales (much like a hay baler) in easy to handle
blocks no heavier than ~60 pounds and poops
them out the back of the baler for easy collection.
These
bales, properly stacked, may be used to
build a fort or a toll booth across the road in front
of your home. The extra money from the toll
booth income may be used to fund your defense
in court. Or something.
Note: The baling process may prove to be
injurious to neighborhood cats.
How to build an igloo
https://www.nfb.ca/..._to_build_an_igloo/
>did this in Baffin Island, 20+ years ago now [Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016]
Humorous snowmen
https://www.google....c=eH2n3EY8NlauyM%3A
[Sgt Teacup, Dec 20 2016]
The right to bear arms.
https://books.googl...ent%20study&f=false
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 20 2016]
The Bonfires
http://www.kiplings.../poems_bonfires.htm
Singularity appropriate here. [8th of 7, Dec 20 2016]
https://www.faceboo...630/?type=3&theater
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Dec 24 2016]
[link]
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Is there a snow-cannon attachment ? That way, when there's no actual snow, it would still be possible to deploy the "injurious to neighborhood cats" aspect of the machine. |
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His lordship is correct. And I don't think you need to be worried about any cats letting you get near them while this thing is running. |
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If their feet have been nailed to a plank, it shouldn't be too difficult... |
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ignoring the weirdosity the snow baler would be so awesome! |
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//His lordship is correct. // Please, [norm], we're all friends so let's not stand on ceremony. "M'lud" will do fine. |
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1. Use the blocks to build a wall on the windward side of the house, to deflect the bone-chilling gale force winds and billows of snow up over the roof. |
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2. Collect resulting redirected snow into bales on leeward side of house. |
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3. Repeat; offer to do the same for neighbours, for a fee. |
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A necessary invention since Canada's supply of (legal) asbestos insulation will plummet to 0% by 2018.
The sketch-on-a-napkin, in addition to [MB]'s endorsement, should accelerate the patent process. |
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Can it also have swap out attachments such as an adjustable diameter snowball collector? |
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Could the machine make snowmen (in a selection of humorous poses) to decorate the yard? |
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This would be a brilliant way to increase the number
of public conveniences: |
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Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kick-Ass. (+) |
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Sorry Ling, not a fan of cold seats... |
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//Can it also have swap out attachments such as
an adjustable diameter snowball collector?// And
//...and a trebuchet ?// |
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I don't see why not... the Steampunk Model Snow
Baler features an old fashioned factory Steam
Whistle (brass and copper, of course, with shiny
rivets) that toots loudly with every pooped bale.
The James Bond Model Snow Baler comes
equipped with an oil slick attachment and matching
80mm front cannons should you encounter "harsh
conditions." |
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Bales can feed your giant ice Lego molder with optional red and green dyes for the season. |
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Not to dampen the parade with practicality but this would make cleanup of parking lots and other snow transport less expensive. |
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I also wonder about a volcanic ash baler. |
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Volcanic ash doesn't typically amalgamate - you'd need to add water and a binder. |
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Snow will compact and maintain its structure. |
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//I also wonder about a volcanic ash baler.// |
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I was downwind when Mount Saint Helen's blew her
stack in 1980. It was MESSY. Volcanic ash was
EVERYWHERE. Businesses hired front-end loaders
to clear their parking lots, making giant mini-
mountains of white ash! Damn straight they would
have loved to bale it up!! Engines in motorized
vehicles were seizing up -- Washington State Patrol
cars were outfitted with ridiculously large external
air filters in an attempt to keep them on the road. I
drove up to Saint Helen's 20 years later one rainy
winter day. Ash was still on the ground... and it
ruined my disk brakes! Very abrasive.
Thanks for the reminder, [voice] and [8th]. And for
the record: it would be WAY easier to bale the cats. |
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It wasn't all the ash that we found impressive in the mid-80's .... it was the little saplings poking up through it, and all the millions of mature trees, laid flat in neat lines, stripped of branches and snapped clean off at the base ... "Mother Nature does Hiroshima". |
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They're probably still hauling out pre-felled lumber ... |
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Those trees (or what's left of them) are still laid
down like matchsticks. The forest is indeed
coming back. Saint Helen's has made no secret of
the fact that she is rebuilding her mountaintop, as
evidenced by frequent swarms of earthquakes. So
it is easy to imagine her as a sadistic bitch, waiting
for the forest to reconstitute itself before knocking
them all down again. Hey, ho; that's life on the Ring
of Fire! |
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// imagine her as a sadistic bitch // |
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The volcano giveth, and the volcano taketh away ... the light, ashy soil is well-drained and incredibly rich in nutrients, capable of supporting a huge, complex, vibrant ecosystem. |
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There's no malice, just monstrous chaotic indifference. |
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I'm surprised that the word "igloo" has not previously
appeared on this page. |
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hey, [8th] I think I'm starting to understand you. |
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<makes note that [Voice] is progressing nicely and will soon be ripe for Assimilation> |
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+ It's good. Maybe Tonka can make a smaller size for children
and women who also like to build snow things. |
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Yes, igloos for the homeless |
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// for children and women // |
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Children, yes, certainly … but don't bale the women, someone
has to do all the heavy lifting … |
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^ and ^^ <waits for whatever loop the borg is caught up in to stop. How are they possibly assimilate the universe when a simple Div 0 brings them all down? Tch, the Golden Horde never had these problems> |
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Ah yes, [Vernon] and [hippo], the humble igloo.
I didn't mention it because it is not made with bales of snow, but rather uses a certain type of dry compact snow assembled in an elegant spiral (see link). |
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// I didn't mention it because it is not made with bales of snow// |
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Ah, but according to your most excellent link, the igloo *is* built from blocks of snow. |
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Blocks, yes, not bales, [MB].
Igloo blocks are thinner, more angular (for spiral effect), and considerably smaller and/or less regularly shaped than the standard 14" x 18" x 36" (or 48") bale which I'm assuming [Grogster]'s machine produces. |
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Ah, but if you wanted to build a bear-proof igloo... |
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... you'd be disappointed. |
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The Canadian Government ran a research programme over a period of several years, at a cost of tens of millions of dollars. The sole focus of the research was dealing with the Polar Bear in an Arctic Survival scenario. |
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Many systems were evaluated to deter or prevent attacks on humans; scents, smoke (including CS), noisemakers, flares, strobes, camouflage ... all ineffective. |
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The conclusion was that, lacking the protection of a boat, vehicle or building, the ONLY effective course of action on sighting a polar bear was to shoot and kill it immediately, otherwise it WILL kill you and eat you. There is NO known effective means of deterring them, and having no natural predators once adult, they have no fear. |
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Polar bears can easily attain a mass of 400-500 kg and a length of 2 to 2.5m, and larger specimens are not uncommon. Over short distances, they can outpace a horse. Good luck with your shelter constructed from friable ice blocks, puny human. |
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The Inuit technique which has evolved over milennia for coping with the threat can be simply summarized as "Watch where the polar bears go, then go somewhere else." |
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Got a link to that study? Sounds fascinating. |
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Probably not ... doubt it's been commercially published, likely to be CANUKUS only. But yes, it's fascinating, if somewhat gruesome in parts*. |
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You might get somewhere with a FOI enquiry, though. It'll be declassified eventually. |
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*Principally the text, diagrams, data tables and photographs. |
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Actually (and frivolity aside), you can reliably deter a polar bear simply by standing facing it and holding your arms out horizontally. |
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No, hang on, I was thinking of cows. |
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We thought that was crows. Pretty sure it's crows, actually. |
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No, holding your crows out horizontally doesn't deter cows, as far as I know. Besides which, how often do you carry a pair of crows? |
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Incidentally, did you know that crows have the same intelligence and reasoning capacity as a 13-year-old human, according to the psychology department of the University of Cardiff? |
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That sounds distinctly far fetched. Now, of you'd said that "The psychology department of the University of Cardiff has the same intelligence and reasoning capacity as a crow, according to 13-year-old human", that would be much more credible. |
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Well, the 13-year-old humans were Welsh. |
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Then again, so were the crows. |
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Think I found the Polar bear deterrent study. [link]
Nasty bit of single minded eating machine they are. hmmm, I wonder if we fed them they might learn not to bite the hand that feeds. |
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The only addition to this awesome idea I can think of is to incorporate raised surfaces so that they interlock like Lego blocks. |
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// Think I found the Polar bear deterrent study. [link] // |
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That's similar, but not the one we refer to. The conclusions are the same. |
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// Nasty bit of single minded eating machine they are.// |
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No, they're polar bears. They aren't nasty. That's just the way they live, like bats, or turtles. There's no lifestyle choice. |
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// hmmm, I wonder if we fed them they might learn not to bite the hand that feeds. // |
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"... Which argues Babe and Cockatrice would play together, were they taught ...." <link> |
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No. The actual reason for not wanting to shoot the bear is that every other bear for miles downwind will smell the blood and quite literally come running. Once the carcase is stripped, the late arrivals immediately look around for other food. This Means You. |
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Aha, then it's possible to try and teach them ethics...simply assemble some number of mime artists to do a winter show of "Good bear, bad bear" on the ice. At least one positive outcome will occur. |
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I meant nasty as in being on the receiving end of getting eaten alive.
That link is... I'm not sure what. |
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Bears are intelligent and very friendly if they associate you 'with' food rather than 'as' food.
When the passes through the mountains were first built people used to let their children stick their hands in jars of honey and let the wild bears lick it off of them. True story, kind of hard to find the footage now though.
Recently there was a group of people here charged with growing pot. They had teamed up with a family of black bears with the arrangement that the bears scare off any trespassers near to their grow-show in exchange for dog food. |
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If the Polar bears are about to become endangered then perhaps a two-birds-with-one-stone thing might help them and us at the same time is all. |
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// it's possible to try and teach them ethics... // |
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It's possible to try and teach them inorganic chemistry, or media studies, or architecture. That doesn't mean they will be an enthusiastic partner in the learning process. We suggest a distance-learning format, otherwise the attrition rate for tutors may make the project impractical. "Tough Class" doesn't come close ... |
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// simply assemble some number of mime artists to do a winter show of "Good bear, bad bear" on the ice. At least one positive outcome will occur. // |
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That's only for one mime. As the number of mimes consumed increases, there is a corresponding rise in the positivity of the outcome. |
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// Bears are intelligent and very friendly // |
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Bears from temperate regions are indeed so. This is indisputable. Bears raised from cubs by humans, while remaining very dangerous simply because of their huge size and strength, can become startlingly domesticated if treated well. |
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But these species are omnivores, happy to munch fruit, carrion, fish, small rodents, berries and seeds. They display a human-like trait of being lazy; as long as they're not hungry, they have no impulse to chase, kill or eat anything. |
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Polar bears are, like cats, exclusively carnivorous, although not actively evil as domestic cats are. There are no recorded instances of polar bears crapping in flower beds, killing small birds in suburban gardens, or leaving pools of vomit on doorsteps. But like tigers, polar bears will always be unpredictable and highly dangerous to those who associate with them. |
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// polar bears will always be unpredictable // |
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Well I would like to tame one and hug it and pet it and wash it and ride it and call it George.
I would be the Last Bear-Bender and all of mankind would strew our path with precious stones and bits of seal blubber as we sauntered past on our way to the hollow Earth entrance known instinctively to all of ursine kind but hidden from the eyes of men while the Northern lights illuminate our surreal passage. |
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...and then I would wake up and it would be time to strap the knee pads back on again. Just like every day Pinky. |
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