h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Snoring - why? For many, it is the pull of gravity on overabundant soft bits in your throat. They fall down into the airstream and vibrate. One can wear masks and other such to try to overcome this, none working perfectly.
Sleeping face down on one's belly should work, but it is hard to breathe.
Plus it is hard to get your head lower then the rest of you in a bed.
Thus: the Snore Hammock. One sleeps on the belly in this hammock. It has a padded cutout for your face, akin to a massage table. The feet are suspended higher than the head. The result: gravity pulls soft bits down and away from the air stream. No snoring. No sleep apnea. No claustrophobic masks blowing air. No surgery. Just quiet restful sleep.
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I have about 5 different possible visual permutations
for how one would use this device flying through my
brain matter and they all look akin to torture. |
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Only if snore-free suspended comfort is torture. If you have a hard time getting to sleep without the white noise of your own meaty snores, BUNGCO can offer the Lapping Waves Hammock Rocker to soothe you into slumberland. |
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Bat sleeping is the answer. |
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...and if you buy now we will include this stainless steel one piece spitoon "the snotcatcher" TM, but wait there's more! We will also include Spiderdyne 4000 TM tablets to replace the arachna-proteins and glycine-orol you will lose by not swallowing critters of the night. |
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Hammocks are really uncomfortable to lay in face down because they arch one's back in the wrong direction. A possible good idea, but more comfort is needed for a restful sleep. |
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/arch/
One could put a counter arch into the hammock, like an orthotic insert for a shoe. That would bend you the right way, xandram. |
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Also it occurred to me that having your head lower than your feet might lead to blood pooling in the head and cold, numb feet. Rather than rocking, if the sleeper swept out a 180 degree arc with each heartbeat (the head being at the axis, of course), this would facilitate blood delivery to the more distal regions. |
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What is obviously required is a centrifuge bed, which simulates the effect of standing up whilst lying flat ... |
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