h a l f b a k e r yExpensive, difficult, slightly dangerous, not particularly effective... I'm on a roll.
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Every year, worldwide, several hundred thousand people
try to get out of one country and into another country
without the necessary paperwork, by stowing away on,
or
in, lorries. Since most international cargo is carried in
sealed containers, such people often cling to various
brackets and
sprockets under the bed of the lorry, in the
space betwixt cab and container, on the roof, and so
forth.
This is not only uncomfortable and dangerous, but is also
usually unsuccessful.
Illegal- border-crossing- on- truck-woes begone!!
MaxCo.
is pleased to announce the launch of its range of
Smuggle-
me-Snugly stowaway apparati.
The Smuggle-me-Snugly consists of a lightweight yet
strong
fibreglass box, finished in matt-black and rust effects,
and
with a liberal yet tasteful application of dust, road
debris
and meaningless stickers.
Simply open the Smuggle-me-Snugly, climb inside, and
close the front. You will find conveniently placed holes
for
the arms, legs and neck of a conventionally arranged
person.
Thus ensconced, you are free to walk, crouch or crawl to
the nearest convenient parked lorry. Position yourself
underneath the bed of the lorry and, on all fours, raise
your back until the six powerful magnets lock you into
place. Withdraw your arms, legs and head, and slide the
covers into place over the holes.
Coccooned in the lavishly padded Smuggle-me-Snugly,
you
will appear to all but the most suspicious observer to be
one of those inexplicable tanks which adorn the nether
regions of lorries - perhaps you're a fuel tank, or perhaps
some mysterious gas reservoir for the refrigeration
system. If anyone approaches, simply remain calm and
make a noise like freon.
Upon arriving at your destinition, simply release the
catch
and drop nimbly to the ground, leaving the Smuggle-me-
Snugly behind. Alternatively, if you are planning onward
travel, simply use the integral cams to prize your
Smuggle-
me-Snugly from the lorry.
The Deluxe model includes not only three internal cup-
holders, but also has an extra lining of
insulating foil to disguise your presence from thermal
imaging devices at border crossings.
The prototype.
http://tooplyshy.mu...ng.?replies_read=11
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jul 18 2012]
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//Hide-A-Me// I wish I'd thought of that. |
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//simply remain calm and make a noise like freon.// |
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Is that like having Hissy Fit ? |
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How do you know that those inexplicable boxes on trucks aren't containers for illegal immigrants? Maybe this is how they've been getting in all along! |
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If that's the case, I've seen at least a few of them
being drowned in diesel. |
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My truck has a respectable number of inexplicable boxes
and tanks tucked away in various spots. I've personally
installed over half of them, and occasionally peeked into
all of the others, and thus far none of them have ever
shown indication of containing illegal immigrants. I
consider this irrefutable proof that this is a completely
original and unbaked concept, so [+]. |
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//none of them have ever shown indication of
containing illegal immigrants.// |
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We respectfully rest our case. |
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HARKEN
No chance they could have stowed away?
No one would blame you for that Captain.
I know how these older model Fireflys
tend to have those troublesome little nooks. |
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HARKEN
Smugglers and the like tend to. |
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//none of them have ever shown indication of
containing illegal immigrants.// // We
respectfully rest our case // |
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If we may, M'Lud, we have a further question
for the witness. Now, Mr. Alterother, you
stated to the court that "none of them have
ever shown indication of containing illegal
immigrants." Would you please tell us if any
of them have ever shown indication of having
contained illegal immigrants at any time
prior to your inspection? |
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<furtively flicks through pages of "Learn
Yourself Law the Perry Mason Way" under
desk, assumes air of quiet confidence> |
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No, sir, they have not shown such indications, and by
extension it is therefore
possible to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that no
box, tank, or similar vessel of inobvious function installed
on, in, or about the frame or chassis of any truck has ever
contained one or more illegal immigrant(s) since, as is
common knowledge, all trucks are inextricably linked by
mechanical fraternity and therefore are, in essence, all the
same truck. |
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At this point, I sadly must make plain my demand that
MaxCo.'s Smuggle-me-Snugly and all derivative products
remain halfbaked, because if I go out some morning and
discover that aforementioned metaphysical link has caused
the non-potable water tank on my truck to become stuffed
with confused Cuban refugees, action of a litigational
nature will be unavoidable. |
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