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The Hobbit badly needs to be rewritten.
-To include that hot new chick
-To include Thorin surfing on a river of molten gold
-To include much better converstaions
-And everything else that was so much better in the movie
There and back again
http://www.amazon.c...urphy/dp/0312866445
Space opera Got the T- shirt [popbottle, Jan 03 2014]
Tolkien's sources
http://www.tolkien-...lkiens-sources.html
[DrBob, Jan 05 2014, last modified Apr 30 2014]
[link]
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I thought this would be the first 2014 "idea" to out my frustration. But it says dec 31 2013. It is 1:38 for me now so different timezone I guess.
Happy new year! |
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Didn't know how lucky he was in that cave, no Jehovah's Witnesses or double-glazing salesmen... |
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Can we just have Tolkien and all of his derivative crap
expunged from the face of the Earth? |
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[Zeno has entered the Lonely Mountain, which once housed a kingdom of dwarves, but which is now Smaug's lair - Smaug is sleeping on a hill of gems and other riches, but wakes up when Zeno reaches the heart of the mountain] |
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Smaug: Well, thief? I smell you, I feel your air - and I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself; there's plenty, AND to spare. |
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Zeno: [who is invisible] Oh... thank you, Smaug the Magnificent! I did not come for wealth. I wish only to have a look at you, and see if you are truly as great as tales say; I did not believe them! |
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Smaug: [flattered] ... Do you now? |
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Zeno: They fall utterly short of reality, King SMAUG Under the Mountain! |
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Smaug: Hmmm... You have nice manners for a thief - and a LIAR. |
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Zeno: Surely you realize that your success has made you some bitter enemies? |
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Smaug: [laughs] Revenge? You? I am SMAUG! I kill when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG! My armor is like tenfold shields! My teeth like swords! My claws, spears! The shock of my tail, a thunderbolt! My wings, a hurricane! And my breath, death! |
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Not only is it in dire need of a rewrite, it is dire need of not
being written at all. I would suggest that 4000 pages of
blank paper as a first edition would suffice. Even the Ents
would not complain, sacrifice of the few for the greater
good, and all. |
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Good to see you 4whom, long time no see. zeno, not
sure this is an idea about something new, or is it? |
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Thanks [blissy]. Great to see you too. You'll be happy to
know my resolution this year is measured in voxels, and I
have decided to dial the vitriol up to max.... |
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Am I the only one here who rather enjoys the Hobbit
/ LOTR? |
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But please, leave out the white orc. |
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I like them rather a lot (the books more than the
movies). When I re-read them recently, it occurred
to me that some of my most deeply held values
may have been influenced by my reading them in
my youth. I'm a bit surprised by the level of dislike
expressed here; there are many, many far worse
books and films. |
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I can understand someone finding them tedious (I
don't) and not reading/watching them, but
actively hating them seems about as pointless as
(to borrow Stephen Fry's analogy) deciding to hate
red telephones. |
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I read them first as a child or possibly teenager; unfortunately my lack of attention-span caused most of the place names to get all lumped up together... still a good read though. |
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So - is the idea really the replacement of the book
with the screenplay? That's fairly simple - throw
away your copy of the book, and get the
screenplay. Or, better yet, don't get the
screenplay; you really wouldn't read it anyway. |
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Tolkien is very good. Merely object to him being raped. |
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I read them once every few years or so and find my
speech and dreams much affected for days
afterwards. |
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I'm a total Tolkien geek but, since the excellent effort that he made with the three LoTR films, I've rather gone off Peter Jackson after watching the complete atrocity that was 'The Desolation of Smaug'. Three hours of epic storytelling are out and instead we have a three hour video game trailer (in hindsight, the danger signs were there in the first Hobbit film). Poor old John Ronald, safely in his grave, would be spinning like a dwarf in a barrel if he'd had the misfortune to see it. |
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[Spider...] I suppose an explanation of my (particular) opinion is necessary. It is not that I hate it, although the world would be better without it. It is the same reason I didn't enjoy the Harry Potter drivel, or Dan Brown's attempt at cobbling words together. Now, the above all have the benefits of introducing "new" topics and realms of thought to Pete Public. And they did not do a terrible job. Quite obviously, as book sales and story rights go. But there is something lacking, in my opinion. I quite like the fact that JK Rowling and JRR Tolkien spent enormous amounts of time in the worlds that they created. Dan, not so much. But they all seriously borrowed from previous stories without so much as a tip of the hat. I am not against stories that borrow, in fact, I am a firm believer that there is nothing new under the sun, but halfway through the never ending story that comprises "The Hobbit" I knew that this story had been told before, and, in my humble opinion, better. Similarly with the others. Does this mean I don't enjoy a good story? No not at all. Does this mean I don't enjoy a good retelling? No not at all. It is the same reason I turned Django Unchained off halfway. Quentin Tarantino has told no other story other than the revenge story, but Django was so absolutely similar to Inglorious Basterds that it became a throw-away. Throw away for me. Others love it. And I am not knocking it. but when something flies so close to the previous interpretation, I develop hives. |
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Thanks, [4whom]. That makes sense. Likewise, The
Beatles first few albums seem less important once
you've heard the original versions of the songs.
Although I think Tolkien did acknowledge his debt to
earlier story tellers, generally if not specifically. |
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Just to contradict spidermother, Tolkien was quite explicit in acknowledging his influences (linky). |
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Since J.R.R.'s objective was to invent a mythological and
linguistic background for Anglo-Saxon/English literature and
culture, akin to that of the Norse, Roman, or Greek, he
didn't attempt to do it in isolation from the extant portions
of the mythology and literature. |
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Why can't we just appreciate The Hobbit for what it is? Which is a 70-something year old novel which was both truly groundbreaking at the time, and also has,at least as much as any other piece of fantasy writing, shaped and influenced the entire genre? |
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Yes, it's somewhat dated, but not as much as you'd expect form something that old. Yes,there's some not-so-PC language ("Ah, 'tis a black thing, when races combine") - but it was a product of it's time and we should appreciate that. |
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The hobbit/LOTR remakes (I'm not including the latest installment of the hobbit "series" here, as I haven't seen it yet) have been by and large excellent, as good as could be expected by someone trying to make money out of the enterprise. |
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Not necessarily a contradiction, [DrBob]. Perhaps I
was insufficiently explicit. I meant that as far as I'm
aware, Tolkien didn't explicitly state that particular
events or characters in his books were derived from
or represented particular real-world or literary
events or characters. Being a scholar and a
gentleman, he did, of course, acknowledge his
sources and influences, as you say. |
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[Zeno has entered the Lonely Mountain,
which once housed a kingdom of dwarves, but
which is now Smaug's dungeon - Smaug, the young
businessman-dragon, returns to his hill of gems
and other riches, to find Zeno, who has snuck in,
having followed a note Smaug left in Eriador
following his photo shoot.] |
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Smaug: Well, thief? I smell you, I feel your air -
and I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself;
there's plenty of it; and of me. |
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Zeno: [who is invisible] Oh... thank you,
Smaug the Magnificent! You are as great as any
businessman dragon can be, exceeding my wildest
imagination! |
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Smaug: Indeed. I feel similarly, and have
written a contract on the golden tablet you see on
the pedestal to your right. It is a dragon
domination contract...for I am single and into
BDSM. |
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Zeno: My dreams have fallen short of reality,
King SMAUG Under the Mountain!
Smaug: Hmmm... Your nice manners are
unbecoming. I give you this gift of elven armor, for
I know you have never owned armor before and I
also want to show how little it costs me to give
gifts worth more than everything you own. Sign
the contract, and find sweet release in my
confusing apathy, uncreative bondage, and alluring
draconic beauty! |
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Zeno: Surely you realize that your success has
made me love you? I bitterly wish I could sign your
contract, but it it too much, too soon. <fainting> |
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Smaug: [laughs] Love? You? I am SMAUG! I love
when I wish! I am strong, strong, STRONG! My
armor is like tenfold bespoke suits! My teeth
sharper than legal summons! The shock of my
sports car's revving, a thunderbolt! The flapping of
my entrepreneurial spirit, a hurricane! And my
firey breath, death by desire! |
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<the above excerpt is from the bestselling trilogy:
50 days of Smaug, 50 days Smauggier and 50
Hobbit-dragon Half-breeds> |
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I do think the sausage party aspect of the Hobbit is much improved in the movies. LOTR as well - that elf princess rocked. |
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