h a l f b a k e r ySuperficial Intelligence
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A lot of cellphone carriers offer greater discounts on new
smartphone purchases based on credit class. I submit that a
more
cost-effective reward system would base such discounts instead
on
knowledge of the operating system the customer wishes to get
themselves into.
Countless customers
go
out and buy iPhone and Blackberry
devices, for instance, without even knowing what iTunes or
Blackberry Desktop Manager are. Many of them don't find out,
until
they have to reload the OS due to an unresolved JavaScript error,
that they are boned because they don't even HAVE a computer to
perform such a function. I can't count the number of customers
who
call in to my desk every day because they don't know how to
move
a widget on their Android device's homescreen (or, indeed, even
know that "that lil ol clock thingie" is called a widget), or think it's
a
good
idea to erase the Message Center Number and put their own
mobile
number in its place, then wonder why they can't send text
messages.
I submit that a 25 question multiple choice test (each subsequent
test randomly generated from 200 possible questions to prevent
cheating) be required of every customer prior to purchasing a
smartphone. The questions are specific to the OS of the phone
you
wish to purchase.
Greater discounts are awarded to those who score higher, less
for
those who score lower (specific score ranges to be determined
later). If a customer does not feel they should have to pay more
because of their ignorance, they are more than welcome to attend
a
2-hour instructor-led class on the subject to become eligible for
the
full discount.
The goal here is to reduce the number of tech support agents
required to handle all those calls, as well as saving the customer
the frustration of biting off more than they can chew and getting
stuck with an expensive phone (and the data plan for it) they
aren't equipped to use.
The way I see it, if most customers pass, then it means they've
done their homework before deciding to buy the product,
resulting in fewer support calls and more satisfaction for the
customer. If most of them fail, then they either pay more to
compensate for the support calls, meaning price increases in
other parts of the bill may be mitigated, or most of the failed
testees (I mean that kindly) take the class and get their education
on the spot. Win-win.
[link]
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// put their own mobile number in it's place//
sp: its |
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Corrected, thanks. Installed an alternate keyboard app, and the
new autocorrect settings are taking some getting used to.
Ironic, huh? |
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New ad campaign: "Our phones are smart so you don't have to be...".
Obviously smart phones aren't smart enough. |
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Excellent. This should also be applied to cars, computers, GPS systems and domestic appliances.
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To be able to say, even just once, to a customer, "I'm sorry, Sir/Madam, you can't buy this item, as you're too stupid" is almost enough to make a career in sales bearable. |
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Oh no, this is even better. You get to say to a customer "I'm
sorry sir/madam, you are so stupid we are obligated to charge
you for it." |
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That would be nothing more than a tax on the stupid.
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Wonderful. Do it. Do it NOW. |
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// 1997 Motorola StarTAC //
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Quality ... can be used to knock nails in, stun muggers, as a wheel chock for anything up to an MD-11. and even (though rarely) make phone calls ...
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Plus there's more than enough grunt in the battery to initiate a No.8 azide detonator down 100m of bell wire. Who could want more ? |
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But what about all the eejits that don't call tech support?
This entrance requirement exam would exclude many users
that are as thick as mince and kill off a whole revenue
stream.
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I'm sorry, [21Q], I sympathise but, ultimately, you're an
expendable soldier in the trenches and the pointless war
against the idiot hordes continues... |
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// war against the idiot hordes continues //
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Sorry, too much of a rant involving gadgets that confuses arcane knowledge bits of running a gadget with actual intelligence. I'm the proud owner of an Android-based phone, and I must say that the miniscule tech book that came with it didn't offer any help as to some of its functions or behavior. And I consider myself mostly electronically literate. |
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That's because Android OS is Linux-based, Ray. Most of what
you'll want to do with the device is handled through third-party
apps, not native programs. Naturally, like Linux-based desktop
computers, the manual is going to be pretty scarce and your
best resource will almost always be online help forums. This is
the kind of thing people should know before getting themselves
into such a device, hence the idea. Linux isn't for everyone.
Neither is Android.
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The biggest problem is really the marketing. You don't see
desktop Linux distros being advertised to the masses for good
reason. Most people won't know how to use it and will be too intimidated or too lazy to learn. Android really should be treated
the same, IMHO. |
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// Most people won't know how to use it //
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Shame. "Let them eat cake".
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Ooooh, won't THEY be in trouble when the Revolution comes ... |
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Came across this one again today, and going through the
annos realized that my reply to Rayford's annotation wasn't
the most relevant. His concern was that he feels I am
insulting his intelligence by telling him he must pay more
for a smartphone that he feels would be challenging to
many people who are quite intelligent.
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Let me repeat a line from the idea, as I posted it: //The
questions are specific to the OS of the phone you wish to
purchase.//
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A great many customers have switched between different
smartphone OS's. Blackberry customers, while usually quite
intelligent and tech savvy, are not typically used to
touchscreen devices. The Blackberry UI is vastly different
from Android or IOS. Just because you are intelligent and
have smartphone experience does not mean you aren't
going to need a lot of help getting to know a new system.
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Regardless of your intelligence and experience, if you
need the same level of help to figure out how to use your
new smartphone as someone who has never used any kind
of cellphone, you should get charged the same. It's not a
matter of rewarding or punishing people for being more or
less intelligent. It is a matter of knowing the difference
between intelligence and education.
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Things you should know about an Android device before
making the decision to purchase it:
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1) What is a widget?
a) An interactive, dynamic icon
b) A virus that has recently infected thousands of
smartphones
c) A type of robot-based life form found in Star Trek
episode 33
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2) How do you add/remove icons to/from the homescreen?
a) Hold the search button until you are prompted to
speak, then tell the icon where you would like it to go.
b) Location is selectable from the in-app menu
screen.
c) Long-press the icon, and drag it to the spot
you wish it to occupy.
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3) What are 3 buttons that are found below the screen on
EVERY Android phone?
a) Home, Menu, Back
b) Search, Home, Speak
c) Facebook Post, Back,
Search
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4) How do you, the end user, benefit from being required
to have a Google account synced with your smartphone?
a) You don't. Google gets access to all of your info and
you get screwed.
b) Your Google account can be used
to sync your contacts, emails and calendars with any other
Android device or computer, as well as saving your Market
purchase history.
c) You can use your Google account
to turn your Android into an iPhone.
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5) Who should you contact if an application you
downloaded from the Market doesn't seem to work right?
a) Your wireless service provider.
b) The app
developer
c) Your phone's manufacturer (ie, Samsung,
Motorola, or Nokia).
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If you do not know the answers to these basic questions,
regardless of how intelligent you are, then you are GOING
to struggle with learning how to use this device. |
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Question 1:
// Star Trek episode 33 //
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TOS, TNG, DS9, Voyager, Enterprise ?
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Question 2: By writing on the Post-It note.
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Question 3: Ctrl, Alt, and Del.
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Question 5: (d) The french. It's all their fault. |
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If you are ignorant about these matters, where do you learn? |
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Most, if not all, of the information is available on the
manufacturer's website. What isn't available there can be found
with a simple Google Search, YouTube search, or asking
someone who has the same kind of phone.
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The problem I frequently run into with trying to assist customers
with something advanced, such as corporate email setup, is that
they can't follow basic directions such as "tap the 'mail' icon,
then press the 'menu' key and tap on 'settings'" because they
don't know what an icon is or where on the screen they should
be looking to find the menu key, which isn't even on the screen.
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The customer gets frustrated because they think I'm using
advanced terminology here, and they start blaming me and the
equipment for their lack of comprehension. I shouldn't have to
begin every troubleshooting interaction with a basic device
tutorial. These are things you should know if you're going to
own a smartphone, and I should be able to reasonably expect
you to understand basic terminology and be familiar with at
least the physical layout of your device. |
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1) a fictional placeholder commonly used in economics textbooks to avoid people talking about cows. But due to the context I'd guess it could be found in the Definitions section of the user manual.
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2) I'm sure it's in the user manual.
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3) This thing does come with a user manual, right ?
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5) Google for it and/or Search the relevant app's user forum. |
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// trying to assist customers //
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There's your problem, right there. Make 'em learn the hard way,
like everyone else had to.
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Why not display a life-size cardboard cutout of Stephen Hawking
with a banner that reads, "You must be at least this smart to buy
this product." Superbly effective, beause if they don't recognise
Stephen Hawking, they clearly know nothing of science,
technology or engineering. |
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