Smart Phone Bandit Arm

My experience with using the internet over smart phones has been about 42 percent successful, meaning that 42 percent of the time when you google something on a smart phone, you get an answer and 58 percent of the time the phone blows up, freezes, stalls for extended periods without feedback, or a series of things that I did not mean to happen, happen on the phone without my having done anything to make them happen. Maybe this is because I am using an Android phone, which sucks. Or maybe, and this is where the 42 percent comes in, it is because smart phones and everything else in the capitalist world are designed to get you into the gamblin' mood, 42 percent being the approximate odds you have of winning money in Vegas. So in this spirit and to remind everyone that life is a gamble and not some frickin German science laboratory, I am proposing that smart phones have little one-armed bandit levers on their sides that you can activate to do an Internet search, so that you will be really excited and feel like you won something when you actually connect, and be depressed but curiously intrigued when your smart phone blows up, instead of, the way I always seem to, feeling like a frustrated German scientist working in a claptrap laboratory with a bunch of evil squirrels for lab partners.