h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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This event can be contested in a standard Olympic swimming pool, provided that you take half the water out first.
Competitors are trussed at the wrists (behind their backs) and ankles, and their knees are drawn up towards a halter around their necks.
Preternaturally developed toes clasp the edge
of the winners' podium in much the same way as the hands of Tennyson's eagle. Their ankles also get pretty strong.
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Annotation:
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Perhaps I should have explained. |
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You remember how the modern pentathlon represents the exertions of a despatch rider carrying and defending his message through disputed territory? |
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Well, this sport honours the memory of *captured* messengers by recreating their doomed attempt to escape through the sanitation infrastructure of the enemy fortress. |
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//Perhaps I should have explained. // |
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I think you may just be digging a deeper hole here. |
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It doesn't matter how deep the hole is, provided that there's only about a metre of water in it. |
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I send you lifesaver pertinax. |
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You wouldn't have had to think this up if you'd remembered the ballgag in the first place. |
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I don't think a gag would help. I'm not stopping these people from shouting - only from running, jumping or swimming. They have to race using their toes alone. That's the idea. The water is important for balance, and to reduce the strain on the tendons in their feet. |
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It seems people are struggling to see past the kinky bondage gear. Pity. Still, at least I didn't mention the gimp suits. |
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