h a l f b a k e r yRenovating the wheel
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Someone should devise a notation system for sex acts like we have for music. You could then pull the score for a favorite lovemaking session from your shelf, have it projected on the wall/ceiling for easy reading, and get down to business. Eventually a canon of "great works" would develop. "Honey,
should we try 'Rob Lowe and the teenage girls' tonight?"
[link]
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Will Braille versions of these scores be available? |
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Not a bad idea, but suppose it's hard to read (music theory can get ver complicated). I like it though! |
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Someone should be more intuitive regarding what moves to make, and when to make them. |
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Sex scores? Nice. I can't think of anything less erotic than referring to someone elses "session" prior to getting busy. |
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iuvare: Well, you wouldn't HAVE to use them. I'm not suggesting a LAW or anything. You would still be free to improvise all you want. The creative could even support themselves by composing such scores. |
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"Let's see . . . oral, missionary, missionary, wheelbarrow, missionary, doggie-style, money shot. . . . . Great, honey, but I think your fingering needs a little more work. . . ." |
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Notation systems for human movement already exist (see links about Labanotation), and could presumably be used for sex notation, although I can't find any evidence of such. Labanotation is used mostly by dance archivists; dancers are by-and-large not very interested, and mostly prefer to learn dances by imitation, or to make them up themselves. (Pretty much the same as the situation with sex.)| — | td,
Jun 25 2001, last modified Jun 26 2001 |
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I knew about labanotation already, but I don't think it would work well for sex. For one thing, it's designed to graph out choreography. Dancers can use it to learn a dance, but they don't look at it WHILE they're dancing, so it's different in that sense than a music or sex score. |
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I like the way great Jazz musicians do it (the music that is). They start with a standard, or some sort of riff, and work around it, heavily improvising. After a while they come back to the standard and can even experiment with the same standard in different ways. |
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I think this approach translates well into the bedroom without the need to project other peoples choreography onto the walls. |
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Labianotation. Okay, sorry. |
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Plays larch's theme AKA Flight Of The Bumblebee |
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thumbwax, i tried that and i think i pulled something! |
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What's wrong with plain ole' porn? |
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I don't know art, but I know what I like. |
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< What's wrong with plain ole' porn?
- politely> |
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It's not really related to porn. Sort of like saying we don't need music notation because recordings exist. |
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Silabias 3.0 out now. The playback facility is a virtual re-enactment of your sex score. |
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I wonder if Sim Pornography is already baked. |
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I thought this was gonna be an idea about nasty keyboards and guitars with Wah! pedals.... |
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"She does a really great cover of Vanessa Del Rio's reverse cowgirl, but her original work is not all that impressive" |
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Perhaps she was dictating. |
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This is good. What better present could you bring round to a dinner party? |
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"Here you are, we wrote this for you two last night. Hope you like it!" |
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Doesn't the kama sutra already do this to an extent? |
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This is a fugue-ing good idea. I think it has been baked in a 'Friends' episode (kind of - they do it with numbers instead of musical notations) |
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rather ironic that its both a 'good' idea and has been in 'friends'. |
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It made me think of a panel of international judges sitting in the corner of the bedroom.
"And as Great Britain's entry share a post coital cigarette, the tension mounts as the judges reveal their scores..."
9.0
9.0
8.2
4.2
9.0
"Well a fine round, only marred slightly by the dissapointing score there from the French..." |
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"Great Britain's entry" sounds like a defineable move, probably involving apparent embarrassment. |
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phnarr indeed - terminology matching the poetry of figure skating or diving might be in order.
"And quiet descends as the Frenchman steps up to the platform. Yes, warming his hands there, a true professional. Oh! A magnificent bi-sqeeze lateral three-quarter turn half-lutz mounting entry! Absolutely textbook! And the crowd goes wild!"
"Oh dear, he missed that one. She's not going to like that."
etc... |
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Trojan condoms did a hilarious series of adverts featuring various olympic events altered to include penetration. They were (unsurprisingly) pulled from tv broadcast, but can be seen at www.trojangames.com. |
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[wag], your '05 comment does not appear to findable anymore, sadly. |
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I was looking forward to some commentators watching the replay in slow motion and saying something like
"You can see he has been practing his stroke....." |
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I've linked to the Trojan Games adverts, still out there on Youtube. The commentary is superb (they hired a couple of the real BBC commentators to do it, I believe). "And surely that's in!" |
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The audio commentary would have to be whispered, like in golf. |
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<quiet voice> "Oh uh - he's in the rough. It's a tough approach to the hole from there." |
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Oh, that's good, all three of them [imaginality]. |
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I can see it now: You download these scripts and play them back on Windows Media Player 30, connected to your CID (Crotch Interface Device). Script authors develop styles, become celebrities, gain product endorsements. No one ever needs to see anyone in person again. |
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It's almost as entertaining as playing Madden 2000 while watching a porno. The game likes to say "he got good penetration on that play." |
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