Selectable palatability pet food

Back in the old days, cats were cats. Lean, sleek little tigers they prowled around our homes startling us with their efficiency, balance and poise.

Today's cats are supersized. They are as square as plush-covered concrete blocks. They astonish us with the amount of grace they can still muster while their bellies drag along the ground.

Are we feeding them more? When I was a kid, cat food was left out all day, but cats back then nibbled only as much as they needed. What gives? Are pets getting outside less? Maybe, but I see the same trend among my cat friends in the country.

I believe that the culprit is pet food. It must taste better than it used to. All those miow mix blind taste tests have resulted in food that can't be resisted. The poor critters can't help eating themselves into a state of hyper-inflation.

So, I propose graded palatablity pet food. Labels on the outside of the bags clearly identify a product rated from -5 to +5 in flavor, as determined by a panel of blindfolded experts. If you find your pet is a little tubby, just adjust your choice down a grade next time you're shopping.