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Scrotal Fortification

 Block that kick!
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The scrotum is a capacious organ, as any old guy with a long neglected hernia can attest (UB?). But the scrotum is largely empty, leaving it occupants defenseless against a hard, fast-moving world.

A force transmitted to one marble in a jar is transmitted to all of its neightbors, and so on, with each successive marble receiving less of a shock. This principle is how crushed glass can function as a bulletproof vest. If each marble is slightly compressible, force is diffused even faster.

I propose that, under sterile conditions, the scrotum be filled with small (1 mm) marbles made of teflon or the plastic stuff that artifical joint surfaces are made from. This could be done through a large bore needle. Afterwards, the scrotum would have a comfortably full feeling, but otherwise be not much changed. However, its occupants would be protected from sudden forces by their many new little brothers.

—bungston, Apr 09 2004

Scrotal implants http://www.bmezine.com/impfaq.txt
[ldischler, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]

Scrotally Fortified? http://www.bumpernuts.com/
[Mr Burns, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]


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Annotation:







       Well, no more riding for me!
—Letsbuildafort, Apr 09 2004
   

       Anyone up for a game of marbles?   

       I don't need that any more, just got a custard injection. You kick me, you break your toes.
—kbecker, Apr 09 2004
   

       [tsuka] = the marbles would actually facilitate the up and down, acting as ball bearings. So to speak.
—bungston, Apr 09 2004
   

       The volume of the scrotum changes considerably both with temperature and with sexual arousal, for the reason tsuka explained. So imagine you've got your scrotum stuffed while warm with extra balls, and then you take a cold shower. You would feel a world of pain. Do we have an "Other: Torture" category?
—TerranFury, Apr 10 2004
   

       this would only remove the disincentive for jerks to behave nicely...   

       as an aside, it would also exacerbate the problem of women who kick people in the nads because they're jerks
—alc, Apr 11 2004
   

       Would it help anyone if I changed the marbles to be made of that glow-in-the-dark green plastic? This option could lead to Rudolphian abilities.
—bungston, Apr 11 2004
   

       Would the extra weight not result in the knackers knocking the knees?
—calum, Apr 12 2004
   

       I would just like to point out that there are many lengths of giant sturgeon.
—bungston, Apr 12 2004
   

       some in the body modification crowd might already do this sort of thing, maybe you should ask around
—xx, Apr 12 2004
   

       Please keep your fortification away from my scrotum.
—waugsqueke, Apr 12 2004
   

       Being a canuck, I play hockey, and those among you who care might recall having read somewhere I am a goaltender. I assure you this is by choice, although there are times I doubt my own sanity. The times I most regret my decision are those moments immediately after stopping a flying puck with, as Zanzibar puts it, my "custom equipment for protection" and I am writhing on the ice pleading for someone, anyone, to make the pain go away. Having suffered this "clapper and bell" syndrome many (TOO many) times over, I cannot possibly imagine how multiplying the damn clappers could even minutely reduce the impact of a frozen vulcanized rubber hockey puck travelling in excess of 80 kph (I play against has-beens and never-weres, OK?) against the trusty old goalie's cup.   

       And if anyone suggests implanting tiny airbags, I know someone who owns a gun, and they know how to use it.
—Canuck, Apr 13 2004
   

       I'm in complete sympathy and empathy with Canuck's post. Having played cricket for donkey's years against has-beens and never-weres, I can testify that a scrotum full of marbles would pretty soon become a lower abdomen full of marbles following a direct hit.

<aside>What was that film where the guy sews marbles into the Captain's appendix? Ensign Pulver was it?
—DrBob, Apr 13 2004
   

       The pellets would distribute the force about the sack, but would not absorb it. The patient would feel a uniformly distributed kick which would cause just as much pain.
—JohnnyE, Apr 14 2004
   

       I've got balls that jingle-jangle-jingle . . .
—corquando, Apr 16 2004
   

       I am amused that this idea has been recategorized under genetic engineering.
—bungston, Apr 11 2008
   

       Insert " I have engaged in some form or other of manly sport comment " here.
—normzone, Apr 11 2008
   

       I bunned it because the name amused me... Imagine a little crenellated wall!
—qt75rx1, Apr 12 2008
   

       What's comfortable about a full feeling in the scrotum?
—GutPunchLullabies, Apr 12 2008
   


 

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