h a l f b a k e r yYou gonna finish that?
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The scrotum is a capacious organ, as any old guy with a long neglected hernia can attest (UB?). But the scrotum is largely empty, leaving it occupants defenseless against a hard, fast-moving world.
A force transmitted to one marble in a jar is transmitted to all of its neightbors, and so on,
with each successive marble receiving less of a shock. This principle is how crushed glass can function as a bulletproof vest. If each marble is slightly compressible, force is diffused even faster.
I propose that, under sterile conditions, the scrotum be filled with small (1 mm) marbles made of teflon or the plastic stuff that artifical joint surfaces are made from. This could be done through a large bore needle. Afterwards, the scrotum would have a comfortably full feeling, but otherwise be not much changed. However, its occupants would be protected from sudden forces by their many new little brothers.
Scrotal implants
http://www.bmezine.com/impfaq.txt
[ldischler, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
Scrotally Fortified?
http://www.bumpernuts.com/
[Mr Burns, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 17 2004]
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Well, no more riding for me! |
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Anyone up for a game of marbles? |
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I don't need that any more, just got a custard injection. You kick me, you break your toes. |
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[tsuka] = the marbles would actually facilitate the up and down, acting as ball bearings. So to speak. |
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The volume of the scrotum changes considerably both with temperature and with sexual arousal, for the reason tsuka explained. So imagine you've got your scrotum stuffed while warm with extra balls, and then you take a cold shower. You would feel a world of pain. Do we have an "Other: Torture" category? |
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this would only remove the disincentive for jerks to behave nicely... |
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as an aside, it would also exacerbate the problem of women who kick people in the nads because they're jerks |
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Would it help anyone if I changed the marbles to be made of that glow-in-the-dark green plastic? This option could lead to Rudolphian abilities. |
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Would the extra weight not result in the knackers knocking the knees? |
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I would just like to point out that there are many lengths of giant sturgeon. |
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some in the body modification crowd might already do this sort of thing, maybe you should ask around |
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Please keep your fortification away from my scrotum. |
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Being a canuck, I play hockey, and those among you who care might recall having read somewhere I am a goaltender. I assure you this is by choice, although there are times I doubt my own sanity. The times I most regret my decision are those moments immediately after stopping a flying puck with, as Zanzibar puts it, my "custom equipment for protection" and I am writhing on the ice pleading for someone, anyone, to make the pain go away. Having suffered this "clapper and bell" syndrome many (TOO many) times over, I cannot possibly imagine how multiplying the damn clappers could even minutely reduce the impact of a frozen vulcanized rubber hockey puck travelling in excess of 80 kph (I play against has-beens and never-weres, OK?) against the trusty old goalie's cup. |
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And if anyone suggests implanting tiny airbags, I know someone who owns a gun, and they know how to use it. |
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I'm in complete sympathy and empathy with Canuck's post. Having played cricket for donkey's years against has-beens and never-weres, I can testify that a scrotum full of marbles would pretty soon become a lower abdomen full of marbles following a direct hit.
<aside>What was that film where the guy sews marbles into the Captain's appendix? Ensign Pulver was it? |
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The pellets would distribute the force about the sack, but would not absorb it. The patient would feel a uniformly distributed kick which would cause just as much pain. |
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I've got balls that jingle-jangle-jingle . . . |
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I am amused that this idea has been recategorized under genetic engineering. |
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Insert " I have engaged in some form or other of manly sport comment " here. |
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I bunned it because the name amused me... Imagine a little crenellated wall! |
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What's comfortable about a full feeling in the scrotum? |
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