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Schwagmaster: the game

 Grab that schwag with both hands and make a dash.
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A non-violent (well mostly) video game set in a tech convention. The object is to grab the maximum amount of schwag (free pens, keychains, blinky balls) while avoiding Sales Droids in chinos and matching company polo shirts. Health is increased by scamming free food and decreased from large amounts of schwag (which gets heavy) or contact with Sales Droids (toxic marketing hype). Extra points for seducing Booth Bimbos (no sexism here: they come in both genders). The ultimate goal is to find the exit, which is tough as the convention is a topological torus and thus extends to infinity in every direction, though the same booths keep repeating every hundred meters or so. All your schwag are belong to us.
—rmutt, Mar 21 2001

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       That last sentence seems like my worst nightmare.   

       Every year, there's an on-campus job fair. We actually make a game out of seeing who can collect the most pens. The comprehensive goal goes to the player with the most variety of goodies; the daredevil goal goes to the player who has the audacity to walk up to a booth and do the following:   

       Drone: "Hi there!" [with robo-enthused tone]   

       Player: "Bye!" [takes 15-20 pens and leaves]
—Wes, Mar 21 2001
   

       Fires a 21 pen salute to schwagmeister Wes
—thumbwax, Mar 21 2001
   

       I think acts like that enhance the drone's day for a couple of reasons:   

       1. They sure don't have to strike up much conversation.   

       2. The quicker I take their pens, the quicker they can get rid of their schwag burden for the day. Once in the schwag-drought-zone, they'll only have to deal with people serious about working for the company.
—Wes, Mar 21 2001
   

       so what happens when health <= 0? the player becomes trapped forever at the show and, with a ready supply of schwag, becomes one of the Droids.   

       And this exit you speak of, it is found only after a blundered closet episode with one of said Bimbos?
—absterge, Mar 21 2001
   

       I did some time on a stand at last year's BETT show (education trade show).   

       We'd been round all the other stalls and picked up our choice of the freebies before the plebes (sorry attendees) got in. The best of the bunch was a small beanie-esque panda which I picked up as a present for my girlfriend (we christened it "Bob" - it didn't have a PhD, though). Not having anywhere to store it I put it on top of a monitor on our stand well away from where most of the people at the exhibition were.   

       We defended that panda from all-comers - "I'm sorry. We're not giving those away, but if you go over to stand XYZ that's where we got it from and they might have some left." Then, when I and some of my colleagues were at lunch, and the other people on the stand were distracted, some bloke walked straight up to our table, picked up the panda, put it in his pocket and walked off.   

       The muddy-funster stole my panda! I can't help wondering what else the sod would have walked off with if it hadn't been tied down.   

       So, I'd like to propose a feature pack for the game which allows you to play a drone or booth bimbo and where your aim is to entice plebes onto your stand (perhaps with the promise of freebies), then to overpower them whilst they're vulnerable and gaffer tape them to an overhead beam, all the while shouting "I don't care if you do have children! That panda was mine!"
—mark_t, Mar 21 2001
   

       Yeah, schwag rocks! I wonder if there are any shwag collectors out there with warehouses full of the stuff...
—Vardaannawen, Mar 09 2004
   


 

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