h a l f b a k e r yA riddle wrapped in a mystery inside a rich, flaky crust
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Transporting animals to
slaughterhouses,
plus the smell of slaughterhouses causes
animals terrible amounts of stress prior
to
their death which significantly affects the
quality of the meat.
So, this
idea is for
an expert with a Samurai sword to visit
farms to slaughter animals.
The farmer
would pick out an animal and lead it into
a
special pen - the Samurai warrior would
silently approach and slice through the
animal's neck with one blow of the
razor-sharp
sword.
The animal will be
killed swiftly and without stress. We will
be treated to the sight of Samurai
warriors in traditional dress sneaking
around farms.
(Has any else
seen
"Zatoichi"?)
Meat Quality Problems
http://ag.ansc.purd...ality_problems.html
[hippo, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Another hippo slaughterhouse.
http://www.halfbake...ng_20slaughterhouse
Should we be worried about this man? [DrBob, Oct 04 2004]
[link]
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The common method of killing a cow takes two steps. First, at the slaughterhouse you hit them on the head really hard. This is referred to as 'stunning', and it usually works. Either way, the next step is called 'exsanguination', which is simply helping the cow bleed to death. Then keep going a while to get as much blood out as possible. |
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hippo's method sounds humane, except that any failure to take the head off in one pass will cause significant distress. It can be very difficult to cut through the spinal cord, neck muscles, etc. Medieval executioners frequently required multiple blows to cut through a human neck. |
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Don’t fall for Hollywood physics regarding decapitation. |
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I have to agree with [Laughs]... I've been reding up on the art of Japanese swordmaking in the hopes of one day giving it a shot myself. It turns out that the traditional Samurai sword is designed as a slashing weapon, like a sabre. The curved edge was introduced so that it could be drawn cleanly across the target, cutting deeply enough to do damage but not deep enough to get stuck. This allowed for a more rapid execution of sword strokes - particularly useful when figting more than one combatant.
Now a hydraulic ram guillotine, on the other hand... |
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For my money, nothing beats killing small animals by high voltage anal probe. Keep in mind; you can't spell slaughter without laughter. |
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Will your Samurai slice up my Tofu while he's at it please (but using a clean sword)? |
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[Laughs Last] keep in mind that compared to a cow, you ARE a small animal. Bend over while I charge up the probe please! |
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Ugh. But read up on pithing. |
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[Laughs Last]'s annotation about
stunning is a good point I think -
maybe the Samurai warrior will be
preceded by a shady figure holding a
captive-bolt gun.
The idea of
cutting through animals' necks with a
single blow I got from watching my
butcher cut oxtail - he'd swing his
cleaver from above his head and each
cut would be made not through a
vertebrae, but through the soft discs
separating them. That's accuracy. |
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Funny, [hippo]. But this is surprisingly more bloody than you think. My dad used to work at a slaughter house, and he gave us a tour once. We watched a pig go through the entire process: |
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They led them into a small, concrete room with a drain in the floor. They pointed the gun (.22 cal) point blank at the pigs forehead (who performed the slaughter you saw, [bliss]? Why would you have to aim?). After squeezing the trigger, we watched the pig fall to the ground, bleeding heavily. Its dead as soon as the bullet enters it's head, despite the fact that its now flopping around in its own blood. Yes, flopping. So bad that it was flinging blood all over the walls, and out the doorway, onto me. I didn't exactly enjoy it, but it made a good story to tell. I didn't even mention the chainsaw (don't worry, it was dead)... |
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As I intimated, none too pretty. |
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//I would be amazed to see one severed with a single blow of any weapon short of an artillery piece, let alone a relatively light katana.//
I've seen Zatoichi, so I know this can be done though only if forty-eight cows attack the samurai at once. |
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//only if forty-eight cows attack the samurai at once//
Hmm! <strokey beard moment. Ponders posting proposal for Tarantino-esque film entitled 'Kill Bull'>. |
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Crouching bovine
Hidden butcher |
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what [scout] says, though this does bring back pictures of my grandfather in the Belushi outfit |
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If you want to see what this would actually look like, watch Apocalypse Now. Near the end, intercut with shots of Martin Sheen lurking, there are shots of a ceremony where the locals sacrifice a cow by this method - they chop through its neck with a machete. It's not special effects either - according to Francis Ford Coppola, this ceremony just happened to be going on while the film crew were there and they decided to film it. And in case you were wondering, they don't even come close to severing the whole neck in one go. |
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I think we should put them out with drugs and then carve them up live. Fresher is better and no worries about stress. |
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[spacemoggy] I don't think it's a machete... I seem to remember a long knife of machete size, but with a huge honkin' boomerang-shaped blade and a nice full belly. Started with a K, or something.
The point is that cleavers, huge and ponderous ceremonial knives, and the like bear little resemblance to Samurai swords. A Samurai wielding a cleaver (or better yet, a glaive) would have a better chance of doing the job than he would with his standard issue piece. |
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[justaguy] The knife you describe sounds like a big khukuri. See link for some piccies. |
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Humans are not ruminating mammals. |
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Cows are not to be trifled with. <link> |
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...or introduce your cattle to the joys of smoking? |
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...or let the cattle drive cars in the fields without seatbelts? |
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...or let them listen to The Cure for hours on end and leave some pills nearby? |
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...or let them order fast food without reading the nutritional chart first? |
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...or white water rafting for cows? |
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...or landmines under the grass? |
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...or take them on long-haul flights without special tights? |
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...or tamper with the seals around their microwave ovens? |
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...or cut the brake lines in their carts? |
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I find it had to believe that *anyone* of a sensitive nature made it past the title on this page... |
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//without pause for a prayer// is this a euphemism for fast? |
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By all accounts, the beheading was done with a knife in a slow and sloppy fashion. I didn’t see the video, and can’t find a good enough description to know which side was cut through first. In any case, doing it slow and sloppy would make it non-halal |
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Back to the slaughterhouse, the badness of killing animals is slight in comparison to the torture they endure at large factory scale farm. The meat you eat doesn’t come from some cute pastoral farm with a red barn and gentle old farmer. To add injury to insult, the machines used to kill animals occasionally fail to kill, resulting in the animals being dissected while still alive. |
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They miss, and then proceed rip off the skin and innards. I'm thinking of chickens here. |
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Thank god someone's thinking of the poor chickens. |
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what about kamikazi sheep, one highly motivated, religous nut, of a sheep bounds worshipfully into the slaughter house, while all his fluffy dumb freinds follow...baaaaa..bye. Just a rising sun version of judas goat really. |
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After much deliberation, I must agree with [hippo]'s idea. Bushido has a lot it could offer to the dignity of animals. |
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zanzibar, is that link an echo? |
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Just saw Zatoichi. Really liked it, but I'm a little worried about what the farm equivalent of the tap dancing finale would be. |
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[Thinks about introducing the concept of vegetarianism, but fears the Samurai Swords and shuts up...] |
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//If you want to see what this would actually look like, watch Apocalypse Now. Near the end, intercut with shots of Martin Sheen lurking, there are shots of a ceremony where the locals sacrifice a cow by this method - they chop through its neck with a machete. It's not special effects either - according to Francis Ford Coppola, this ceremony just happened to be going on while the film crew were there and they decided to film it. And in case you were wondering, they don't even come close to severing the whole neck in one go.// |
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That film was on TV here last night. Knowing this does explain why these shots don't quite fit in with the scenario.
Anyway, it looked relatively humane to me as these things go - I reckon the head was almost completely off within a couple of seconds, max. It did take three or maybe four blows, but there were two guys with the big honking kmachetes alternating blows at the head end very efficiently. |
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Baked. Its called a Schechter or Shoichet in ancient
Japanese, and is still done today. |
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Sorry, but this is simply cruelty. The stories of how a
samurai sword cut through an entire body are bullshit. |
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Samurai swords cost upwards to 20,000 dollars to have a real Genuine blade. Start up cost may be prohibitive. |
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Not to mention training the samurai from birth |
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Not to mention training the samurai from birth |
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