h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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My household has been recently suffering from a bout of stomach virus that has pointed up the shortcoming of modern toilets: their inability to handle the effects of the virus on one person when they occur simultaneously.
A simple clamp-on funnel, the small end positioned between the person's legs
and discharging into the bowl, would be useful for those times that the virus is doing the history of dance in six minutes with both ends of the alimentary track.
The top of the funnel would be of a generous size, and slightly kidney-shaped.
The large end would have a ring around the top lined with holes, and would be attached to a piece of surgical tubing with a push-button valve. The hose would be attached to a large water-bottle hung from the shower rod, shelf, etc. The funnel could be periodically rinsed by pushing the button.
The clamp itself would be attached to the funnel via a swivel, so that the funnel could be raised or lowered as needed.
The funnel could then be lowered for dismount. A cord would be attached to the funnel to raise it.
The top of the funnel curves inward and down, over the ring, to prevent residual rinse water from spilling onto the floor.
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Annotation:
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Isn't that what Bidets are for? |
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It should be called the GS2000, with the GS standing for Gland Slam. |
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Bidets? No really, unless it is in very close
proximity to the commode. |
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Bidets? I don't see the connection. |
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One of our bathrooms has the sink right next to the toilet (it's a *very small* bathroom). Which does the trick, as it were. |
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Failing that, we have always kept a bucket handy when people are nauseous, which would also do the trick. |
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Sounds like something from "The Road To Wellville" .... |
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What is probably needed is something resembling a couple of urinals, facing one another, and a pair of grab handles with a hand built-in trigger for flushing (front or rear) and supplies of tissues, paper etc. close within reach. |
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Or there's always the bath... |
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//something resembling a couple of
urinals// |
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Perfect. A separate bathroom for the
sick. With a built-in monitor in the
forward urinal to show M*A*S*H reruns
(or whatever you watch when you're
sick) for something to look at between
bouts. |
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With a bidet built into the rear pot, and
a shower built into the corner. Several
terry cloth robes outside on hooks. |
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There should be a sort of spa you could
check into when you have one of these
miserable illnesses. |
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// a sort of spa you could check into // |
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Isn't that a "hospital" or "clinic" ? |
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Essential addition to the sick room: airtight, soundproof door, with ventlation to the outside only, through a tall flue to exhaust odours, particulates, contaminants and pathogens well away from others in the household. |
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Also a "Don't come out until you're better" time lock, and no handle on the inside of the door. |
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Facility for flushing the entire room with ethylene oxide. |
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"Ethylene oxide is toxic by inhalation. Symptoms of overexposure include headache and dizziness, progressing with increasing exposure to convulsions, seizure and coma" |
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Sounds as though the cure is as bad as the disease. |
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no no, you misunderstood the good er.. evil bird. This idea is indeed a Douchebag. |
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Only part of it is a douche bag. That's like saying an ax is a stick. |
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// the cure is as bad as the disease // |
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It's for flushing and sterilising the room after use. It's not primarily intended for killing the occupant, although that could be a useful selling point, in which case this idea should be filed under Home: Security: Gas Chamber. |
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