Rocket Moon Shuttle to Mars

At least one presidential candidate here in the good ol' U.S. of A. has mentioned in more than one stump speech that we will eventually have a colony on the moon. I can't imagine people will be satisfied with that for long after it is established; they will want to use it as a springboard to travel to other planets such as Mars.

But who wants to be cooped up in a cramped and grimy spaceship for almost a year sitting next to the guy you soon discover has irritable bowel syndrome? Why not skip the middleman and use the moon itself to shuttle back and forth between the planets? The moon will be fully populated with a support staff similar to that of Panama (who has eked out a very comfortable existence shepherding container ships back and forth across their turf). Their sole purpose will be to make your planet hopping experiences fun and entertaining.

Wide open spaces! Room to roam! The moon will be fully stocked with the essentials (beer and toilet paper) and feature all the comforts of home while accommodating every budget. Rental residences will range from the Lunar Hilton to trailer parks full of old cars up on blocks. Schools, grocery stores, go cart tracks, parimutuel horse racing and bordellos will all be available. When at last the moon arrives to orbit the Red Planet a year or so later, simply hop on the shuttle and head down to explore to your heart's content -- rested, refreshed, and clutching your Lunar Dart Tourney Trophy.

The moon will take on other passengers and fling itself back toward Earth, finally arriving some months later.

Now THAT is mass transit.

Just in case some whiners back on Earth go on and on about cataclysmic repercussions of the lack of lunar influence on pesky things like ocean tides, a fully funded government program should be set up to address these concerns with empathetic form letters and complimentary dinner mints.