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Robber Width Estimator

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Everyone has seen the height estimator charts posted near the entrance in convenience stor. As shotgun toting perps come in to rob the place, clerks can gauge their heights as they pass the height estimator.

There is no reason to confine such guides to height: thus the width estimator. Granted, width is only a rough correlate of girth, and may be influenced by down coats, frontal view vs profile, pockets full of loot, etc. But every little bit helps.

—bungston, Mar 07 2005

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       One envisions the inevitable add-ons: eye-color estimator, skin tone estimator, body-fat estimator, sexual-orientation estimator. Each stop-and-rob would devote precious door-side wall space to a series of read-at-a-glance charts that clerks could take in on a practically subconscious level as the perp made his getaway. A throw-away gag in a slapstick Leslie Nielsen comedy.
—Soterios, Mar 07 2005
   

       I suppose having a pair of frozen chickens stuffed down your trousers might be a little misleading.   

       oh I see, these are not shoplifters?
—po, Mar 07 2005
   

       Puts me in a "Magic Mile" sort of mood.   

       With better facial recognition software and more pervasive application, perhaps the clerk I encounter can do a little better than ad-lib a "Next?". Computer terminal reads "Appears surrounded by fish carcasses. Not payday.", clerk says, "Boy! No one's taking #2, and it's after 3 already. Are you ready to order?"
—reensure, Mar 07 2005
   

       I like [Soterios] idea of taking this to the extreme. I can see something like this posted inside a bar - perhaps a bust estimator and a bulge estimator?
—bungston, Mar 07 2005
   

       I know this might seem a little silly, but adding more information might actually confuse the clerks. I'm not saying that convenience store clerks aren't bright, just that anyone who's getting held up doesn't really have time to be measuring height/width/depth/shoe size or whatever other metric you can think of.   

       The height estimator works because it's simple.
—narphorium, Mar 07 2005
   


 

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