h a l f b a k e r yYou gonna finish that?
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Insert a very low-diameter hollow tube into a boy's penis at birth.
The catheter has helical threads on the outside of it. This causes
the penis to grow around it and conform to that shape, causing
the
urethra to assume a rifled form. Every few months until puberty,
the
tube is replaced with
a
new one to accommodate the boy's
growth
in that region.
Once puberty hits, the tube is removed for good. Adequate
training
to responsibly handle the amazing range and accuracy is strongly
advised. Best be careful with that, or you'll shoot her eye out, kid.
Note: According to what I've read there is a single spiral groove
along the length of the male urethra. I contest that a single spiral
groove does not constitute true rifling, and that my idea would be
a significant improvement over nature's design model.
Reddit discussion on the topic
http://www.reddit.c...penis_is_rifled_so/
[xaviergisz, Apr 07 2011]
Closest I've found but its ridges are internal
http://www.freshpat...ptan20070021707.php
[21 Quest, Apr 08 2011]
Supports my range theory
http://query.nytime...00994D0405B878CF1D3
[21 Quest, Apr 08 2011]
The Most Wonderful Human Beings Ever Brought to the Notice of the Public: Perceiving, performing, and politicizing the disabled body in P.T. Barnum’s America
http://americanstud...nts/amykarwaski.pdf
I'd never heard of "Middle Americans making babies have slanted foreheads and crossed eyes", so looked it up - could you be thinking of P.T. Barnum?
" The Aztec Children, of course, turned out to be another of Barnum’s skillfully executed humbugs. Maximo and Bartola were actually adults born microcephalic in the small village of Karwoski 8 Decora in St. Salvador. Most microcephalic children exhibit a small head with a receding forehead, and a loose, often wrinkled scalp, in addition to hyperactivity and mental retardation. Although not always apparent to the public, the alleged “Aztecs” were indeed reported to exhibit significant levels of intellectual retardation, and therefore, required much special care. xv The mysterious ancient language which Maximo and Bartola supposedly used to communicate with each other was simply gibberish." [zen_tom, Apr 08 2011]
It was the Mayans, not the Aztecs
http://resources.br...f-body-modification
This is an alphabetized listing of cultures, each with a description of that culture's body modification practices. [21 Quest, Apr 08 2011]
Reddit discussion on the subject.
http://www.reddit.c...a_spiral_groove_in/
[jutta, Apr 09 2011]
Large like the Chargers - The whole team
http://www.youtube....watch?v=LnzYG0ZkrXg
P.S. - We got dicks like Jesus (with lyrics) [normzone, Nov 14 2013]
The wizz kids
http://www.bbc.co.u...nvironment-24820279
[21 Quest, Nov 14 2013]
Sounds
http://en.wikipedia...dical_instrument%29
No. Thankyou, but no. [8th of 7, Nov 15 2013]
Pretty sure God already practiced this one on ducks...
http://schitzpopino...ntine-lake-duck.jpg
Argentine Lake Duck Penis [Grogster, Nov 15 2013]
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Annotation:
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I'll wager that the gunnies in the 'bakery will argue that you're assuming benefits to accuracy that won't appear until you add some pressure and speed to develop range.
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It's awesome being dudes, man. |
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I think the urethra is naturally rifled. |
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According to what I've read there is a single spiral groove along the length of the urethra. I contest that a single spiral groove does not constitute true rifling. |
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I would like to see, one day, you take up a less
hypocritical stance once in a while, 21. I have a
strong hunch that if this idea was not yours, you
would give it a (albiet fake) MFD and provide short
rant about the blatant bakedness of the previous
links. Bone. |
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Meh.... figured I'd post out of character for once and see how it
went. Even from an objective standpoint, the only issues I see
with this are possibly bad science
(might not have the desired effect, but that hasn't been proven
yet) and harm to the unwilling child. That argument can be
countered with examples of child growth shaping throughout
history though, such as Asians making women have pointy feet
and Middle Americans making babies have slanted foreheads
and crossed eyes.
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It's not meant as a serious post regardless.
Find me an MFD category that this falls into and consider it
gone. Gross Out Humor is close, but I'm not sure about that
either, and I personally don't MFD under that one very often if at
all (not even sure if I ever have).
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As far as bakedness of the link (not links, there's only one),
nowhere does that discussion mention artificial rifling of the
urethra, which is clearly what my idea is all about.
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So no, I don't feel hypocritical in the slightest. Out of character
perhaps, but not hypocritical. |
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But would the precision drill team all dress left, or right? |
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I think rifling will only give you //amazing range and accuracy// if you're spouting solids, which is uncommon and uncomfortable. Liquids - well, you'll just have a cone-shaped spray which is utterly uncontrollable.
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So - is it your own kid you want to sentence to a lifetime of embarrassment and bathroom cleaning, or someone else's? |
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For Tom, an excerpt from my link: //The Mayans found beauty
in a slightly cross eyed stare. Babies had beads strung over
their noses to encourage the muscles in the eye to turn inward.
Another fashion started at infancy was the desire to possess an
elongated skull. Portraits of Mayan gods usually depicted a
long, cone shaped skull and this was the ideal. The sides of an
infant’s head were bound to promote elongation.// |
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//According to what I've read there is a single spiral groove along the length of the urethra. I contest that a single spiral groove does not constitute true rifling.//
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From the wikipedia "Rifling" article:
//Typically the rifled barrel contains one or more grooves that run down its length...// |
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I specifically mentioned multiple grooves in my post. |
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Well, this serves as a primer on the subject. But I think this is a single-shot idea. |
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Archipeedes screw?
But seriously, what about the spermatazoa? Sure they'll travel farther with more accuracy but then they'll be too dizzy to find the egg and you've effectively doomed all of humanity.
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What, like they swim in a straight line?
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Oh, and this was out of character somehow? |
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Its my first penis-related HB posting. |
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I've been getting those for a long time. |
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Ahem! It's been adjusted. |
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Ah, The Ballad of Eskimo Nell's Dead-Eye Dick
Enabling people to be a little more cocksure /
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"If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweetie, wipe the seatie." |
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Carrying out an experiment: several male bakers required to follow these procedures when urinating and make relevant observations:
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1/4 turn
1/2 turn
3/4 turn
full rotation
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Purpose: measure effect of penile manipulation on urine stream in consideration of intrinsic rifling.
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Partipants will be compensated for their involvement in the study. |
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Compensation levels are not likely to be nearly high enough. |
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Caution, The images created by the following may be offensive to some people.
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1/4 turn: Small detrimental effect on directional control.
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1/2 turn: Significant reduction in flow rate, almost no control of direction. 10 minute clean-up.
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3/4 turn: Flow reduced to almost nil. Direction vertical (i.e. gravity dominated).
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Full rotation: Flow from tear ducts becomes dominant, followed by involuntary release of twist angle and liberal flow with no directional control whatsoever. Clean-up continues. |
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This is my rifle AND my gun! |
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Thank you for you participation in this study. Before your compensation can be released (several positive votes) you'll have to repeat the procedure but rotation is in the opposite direction. |
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The reverse rotation part of the procedure was carried out immediately after the first part. This was found to be necessary in order to prevent permanent disfigurement.
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Results for CCW rotation were similar to those for CW rotation, but with more wimpering, especially in the last stage. |
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woman to friend "OMG, you see the *limp* on that guy!!!"
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We can easily test this idea with the use of a modified sump-pump, a .30-06 hunting rifle, several lengths of rubber tubing, and a bucket of wallpaper paste.
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When you're done cleaning the walls and ceiling of your mother's kitchen, post here to let us know how miserably it failed. |
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Read a news article recently about splashback from urinals being reduced by peeing as close as possible to the urinal. Something to do with the stream striking the urinal intact as opposed to striking after breaking up into chaotic droplets mid-flight. Typically a urine stream stays intact for about 6-7 inches then starts to separate and that separation causes a lot more splashback. So, rifling the urethra should help prevent urinal splashback. |
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This is your finest idea. |
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I agree (now I've got Mickey Avalon's "My Dick" going through my head) - link. |
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Well atleast for one of you. |
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//Some people enjoy using them for urethral play.//
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That's a thing!? I mean.... really!? |
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<not-a-dinky-ducky linky> |
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I just had this idea after watching Full Metal Jacket, I
paused it to post this and.... I'm late. There is a side
benefit in that screw-in catheters would be trivial to
construct. |
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