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Having just completed a nice set of resumes, I now need to deliver them. Mail is impersonal, but dropping them off in person is too much like cold calling.
A compromise and marketing solution: the resume-o-gram. For a small fee someone will both hand deliver the resume, and sing a brief song
outlining my wonderful skills and qualities. Sure to at least make a lasting impression.
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Annotation:
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do it yourself dressed as a gorilla - cheaper. |
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Because the ability to dress as a gorilla is crucial for many current jobs. |
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To make a lasting impression, try attaching a crisp $100 bill to your resume. |
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My current boss got his previous job by having a twelve pack of good beer delivered with his resume. Has to be the right company for that stunt I suppose. |
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A possible alternative or addition to this is to have your resume delivered by a professional resume deliverer. This person would work for a company that solely performs job interviews. They will have film star looks and manner (like George Clooney or Michelle Pfeiffer, not Lassie or King Kong). They will have a confident air about them, a firm handshake and a winning smile (perchance a rapist wit?). For a fee, they would sell you, your dreams and your accomplishments in the way you wish you could yourself, if only nervousness didn't get in the way. Naturally, as a lot of folks don't have the money up front to pay these guys, a payment scheme could be worked out (a portion of your first six paychecks or whatever). |
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We make up our minds about people in the first moments that we meet them, so, why couldn't this work? By the time you drag your normal, untanned, slightly overwieght ass into the office on day one, you'll already have the job, so who the hell cares whether they like the look of you or not? |
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// twelve pack of good beer delivered with his resume //
I've heard of a service that'll put your resume on a bottle of wine. More classy, but do you think the next day it'll be filed in the "to interview" folder or the recycling bin? |
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