h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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This is an alternative to both the normal hotel breakfast
buffet 'conveyer belt' toaster, and the standard domestic
toaster, with its disturbingly violent ejection. This idea
takes the hotel 'conveyer belt' toaster but has the bread
grill conveyer belt directly behind the breakfast buffet.
So,
you select your bread (white, wholemeal, granary,
etc.), and load it onto the conveyer. Then, you proceed
along the breakfast buffet loading up on bacon,
sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes, haggis, black pudding,
white pudding, hash browns, baked beans and the
inevitably rubbery scrambled/fried/poached eggs. As
you do so, your bread keeps pace with you on the
conveyer, gradually becoming entoastified. By the time
you reach the end of the buffet, the bread-to-toast
transformation is complete and your toast drops off the
end, ideally directly onto your plate.
As [zen_tom] pointed out, this idea imposes order and
sanity on the breakfast process: "...as people follow
their toast, they are also gently guided in terms of
sequence, direction and tempo through an otherwise
potentially ambiguous set of proceedings". Thus
breakfast anarchy is avoided.
From an
annotation on "Toaster + magazine" (see link)
(?) Toaster_20_2b_20magazine
[hippo, Apr 11 2019]
[link]
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Also, might I point out that you have omitted both the
kedgeree and the kidneys, without which no breakfast is
complete. But otherwise, an excellent idea. |
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The inclusion of the list of foodstuffs is useful for illustrating the experience but will doubtless result in class, geography and taste related debates about the proper constituents of a breakfast. |
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My mild concern is that there is a risk that too much power is used in keeping the length of the conveyor hot. Either the coils could be programmed to heat in the presence of bread (in the same way that supermarket conveyor checkouts move in the presence of yr messages) or the toaster could be attached to a wall-e-lookin' contraption that trundles along keeping you company as you select from the various suet based options. |
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// suet based options. // |
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It is important to recognise that breakfas should always include a component from each of the four major food groups; grease, sugar, starch, and brown burnt crunchy bits. |
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A butler with an extension lead would work too. |
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A well deserved [+] for taking a principled stance
against potential breakfast-themed anarchy. |
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oops, typo corrected now - I really should read my
own ideas...
[calum] maybe the conveyer
belt should not be heated. Instead, the bread
could be toasted by ceiling-mounted lasers, with
some targeting system to keep the beams focussed
on the moving slices of bread. |
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"with its disturbingly violent ejection." |
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You've apparently not seen our toast crawl out. Pathetic.
Usually has to be aided by a fork, which my mother used to
always think would electrocute me. Little did she know I was
made completely out of rubber. Ha. Stupid lady. |
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[hippo], yes, with your room number a shade darker than the rest of the toast surface so as to remove any dubiety re ownership at the end of the process. |
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//my mother used to always think would electrocute me//
My mother told me the same thing. But 110V is more of a
tingle (OK, quite a big tingle) than an electrocution per se.
Also, unless your house hasn't been rewired since the late
neolithic, you have RCDs, which means you can jam that
fork right into your toaster in complete* safety**. |
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*Unless you're on some sort of life support machine that
requires an uninterrupted power supply, that is. |
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**RCDs are little safety-miracles, and will allow all manner
of misadventures to be non-fatal. It would be great if some
wiring codes could be revised and loosened up a little,
where RCDs are used. The only downside is that you can
develop habits which might prove lethal next time you visit
a non-RCD-fitting country. |
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Max, this is very good to know. When I get to the other side, I
shall let my mother know. |
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I'm not sure if heaven has RCDs - in fact I haven't seen **any**
building codes or wiring regulations for the place. So don't let
your mother get too complacent. It would be really, really
annoying to have died, gone to heaven, and then get killed by
a combination of a cheap toaster, overconfidence and second-
rate domestic electricity supplies. |
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// But they aren't foolproof // |
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Thankfully; otherwise the population of fools would increase even faster than it does. |
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"It is impossible to make anything truly foolproof, because fools are so ingenious"* |
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*This applies to absolutely everything, including biohazard containment, passenger aircraft, and nuclear waste processing. |
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//biohazard containment// Failures in biohazard
containment are the only real way to discover whether
something (like a recombinant flu virus, venomous mice or the
Intercalary) is actually dangerous or not. As we always say,
"it's not a containment failure, it's an experiment." |
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[bigsleep] ?Wouldn't a neutral to ground short, unbalance the phase neutral measurement of the RCD because the lower resistance earth is carrying some of the current hence a badly wired plug would trip the board RCD as soon as it's plugged in? |
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Three faults would be needed, your plug fault, an earth resistance fault plus the new perfectly balanced load of a human body electric capillary act. |
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// "it's not a containment failure, it's an experiment." // |
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Two words: Jurassic ... Park ... |
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You could be the next Phil Tippet ... |
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What's containment?. Isn't it just experiment and peer ridicule. |
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