Restaurant-Relevant Pizzas

We all know that a pizza is basically some flat bread covered with tomato paste and cheese and other stuff. Pretty much the exact same ingredients everywhere, despite tiny details that get advertised/bragged about.

Boring!

Introducing the Burger Joint Pizza Pair: This pizza starts with a VERY large hamburger bun, say a foot in diameter, yet having normal thickness, and cut in half in the usual way. The two halves are now placed so that the freshly exposed bread can be covered with a layer of ketchup. Now add ordinary-burger cheese slices, maybe Swiss. Top with already-cooked hamburger, of course, either as thin patties or as chopped, depending on customer choice. Add some other things like onion and mushrooms (and other common hamburger-related ingredients like bacon). Now put in oven just long enough to melt the cheese, since the bread has already been baked. When it comes out, add lettuce and tomato, and maybe some mayonnaise or other sauce, and serve.

Next, the Breakfast Joint Pizza: Start with a very large pancake, already cooked. Or perhaps a waffle or biscuit. Use ketchup here also, as the equivalent of tomato paste. Now cover with an already cooked omelet (perhaps chopped up), the more ingredients the better, and serve. (For those who don't know, ketchup and eggs DO go well together. I admit I'm not so sure about ketchup and pancake; perhaps if ketchup was mixed with syrup and butter?)

Next, the Dessert Shoppe Pizza: Start with a large pie crust, perhaps graham cracker, flattened and already baked. Put some tomato puree into a blender with some cream cheese, and use the result as the initial layer. Add a variety of fruit, and serve cold. (In annotation I sort-of mentioned an alternative, mix sugar with the puree to make the pasty spread, and the cream cheese could now be its own layer.)

Next, the Confection Shoppe Pizza: Start with a large pastry crust, of course, such as might ordinarily be used in making eclairs. Or maybe a giant cookie. Now get a blender and add some tomato juice and a lot of sugar, until the result is a pasty spread, and spread it. Use cream cheese again for the next layer. The toppings would be nuts and chocolates and salt-water-taffy and other candies, perhaps including some red-hots. Serve at room temperature.

Well, that's the Idea, anyway. Some variants are bound to be more palatable than others, but probably none will be boring.