h a l f b a k e r yWe have a low common denominator: 2
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There is a large suspension bridge over the estuary of the River Humber in eastern England. <link>
The towers are built of concrete and are a greyish colour. The road deck is asphalt on top, and painted a greeny-blue colour underneath*.
However, the locals - due to a severe shortage of aspirates
- are entirely unable to correctly pronounce the name of the structure.
In order to avoid confusion in communication between locals and English-speaking visitors, the suggestion is that the bridge is repainted in its entirety in that shade of dark reddish-brown known as "umber". <link>
Thus when locals refer to the "Umber Bridge", they will be speaking the exact and literal truth.
*Allegedly. This information is based on sparse reports from those who claim to have actually seen the bridge, when it's visible through the rain - which isn't often.
The Humber Bridge
https://en.wikipedi.../wiki/Humber_Bridge
Not reddish-brown at all. [8th of 7, Apr 10 2018]
Umber
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umber
Reddish-brown, but not a bridge. [8th of 7, Apr 10 2018]
Burnt Umber
http://m.valsparpai...81&g=100008&r=lowes
[xenzag, Apr 10 2018]
The Village People
The_20Village_20People
Baffling ... [8th of 7, Apr 11 2018]
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Very good idea. When complete it can be set on
fire converting the colour to that of Burnt Umber. |
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// it can be set on fire // |
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You are very welcome to try. We will bring a very large umbrella, a raincoat, a deck-chair, and a packed lunch, so that we can watch you in relative comfort (from inside our fully-equipped motorhome). |
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Your best hope is probably to paint a large Union Flag on the centre of the carriageway in the middle of the bridge and trust (not unreasonably) that the USAF will bomb it shortly thereafter.
Notifying them of "friendly forces in this area" will improve your chances of success considerably. |
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Failing that, ramming one of the piers with a fully-laden VLCC would be the next best option. |
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"due to a severe shortage of aspirates" it's the lack of altitude sickness awareness. You just can't get the Sherpas that far north. |
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Well yes, or we could just rename the river. The county has
already regressed to its original components, plus 'Ull. |
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But if there were another bridge painted reddish-brown anywhere in the world, then this one would need to be re-named or referred to as 'the umber bridge acroess the 'umber', in order to distinguish it from the other ones. And just in case anybody ever built another umber bridge across the Humber, it would really need to be called 'The first umber bridge across the 'Umber'. |
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//The first umber bridge across the 'Umber'// AKA “Umber
One”. |
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So will Patrick McGoohan be playing Umber Six ... ? |
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