h a l f b a k e r yBaker Street Irregulars
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Not all of us are adept at picking up other people's sexual signals - was that guy at yesterday's picnic flirting with me or did he just hang around because I seemed to be wherever the wine bottle was?
No need to guess anymore. In the great tradition of cadaver- and drug-sniffing dogs, we introduce
the relationship-sniffing dog.
These fabulous pups will alert to the phermones produced by desire. The more talented among them will also be trained to detect the exact level of fear that might be excreted by a married person barking up the wrong tree so to speak. "GRRR" says fluffy, and so do we all.
The dogs will have to get special dispensation to be in bars/restaurants to stay in compliance with health code laws, but this can be done just as they do for seeing-eye dogs. After all, they do say love is blind.
Once you're in a committed relationship I'd suggest getting rid of the dog. You don't really want to know how your soul mate feels about your super sexy sibling, do you? Pass the pooch to a friend in need - makes a great Valentine's Day gift!
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What if you fall in love with the dog? |
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It's a terrible world; I'm afraid we must all be very steely in love. |
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However, as a dog-lover too, I can sympathize with your concern. So by all means keep the dog if you can handle his wisdom. Might come in handy in the event of a breakup: "I know you still love me", "no I don't" - just let the dog weigh in. |
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PS safe to assume you mean regular love of dog and not eros, right? otherwise no need for super sensory canine skills but great need for other outside help. |
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These dogs already exist. Unfortunately, they try to bite the other person (out of jealously), so best to harness and muzzle the dog, and insert a rubber bulb into its mouth. The bulb is connected to a horn, and the frantic honking and lunging towards an individual indicates that this is indeed Mr. (or Miss) Right. |
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I hope these dogs come with enormously obvious harnesses, that advertise their purpose. Not everyone who needs them could afford one you know. |
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I also hope that they are dander free. (Achoo!) Some of the people who need them (sniff) are (cough) allergic (Snort) to (dribble snot) dogs. (nose bubble) |
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