Quad-Directional Rocking Sofa

Rocco – And here we have the mother of all rock’ng sofas, the Couch Careener 125!
Customer – Sure looks comfy.
R – Yep, that’s patent leather pend’ng covered beanbag cush’ons. Now look under and check out these rockers, one on each of the four s’des.
C – Uh huh, front, back, left and right.
R - Sure, that’s what makes ‘t quad-d’rect’onal. Here have a seat and we’ll take a test r’de. See the two servo levers on the s’de? There’re two more on my end. Push that lever and the s’de rockers are lowered to let you rock l’ke your grandpa used to, forward and backward, the whole fam’ly. Push that lever ‘nstead and the front and back rockers are lowered to let you rock from s’de to s’de l’ke on an overstuffed seesaw.
C – Neato. But do we have to be at least two to rock and roll from side to side?
R – N’cht problème. You can l’e flat on the sofa and rock, e’ther one or more of you. Th’nk of the workout you’ll get. No more couch potato. You’ll be a hot spud, dude!
C – Yeah, I be da spud, da hot spud.
R – Oh, one more th’ng, push both levers, and all four rockers are lowered for stable s’tt’ng to g’ve your sea legs a rest now and then.
C – Hey, you know you talk a little funny.
R – ‘t’s a speech defect. ‘ can’t say the letter “i“.