h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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Attendants will be dressed as D.P. Gumby. The Hells Grannies and people from the ministry of silly walks will be wandering about the park a la Mickey Mouse + Goofy from Disneyland.
The park is split into a 4 areas. A medievel area, a Roman quarter and a garden surround a central non-specific hub.
In
a central area of the park there will be many stalls and fete-like games – The chance to throw stones at Methias - There will be some kind of quiz/competition where people must answer questions three, 'ere the prizes they see – and of course there shall be haggling at all of the shops. “10 for that? You must be mad”. There will be no arguing - unless specifically paid for.
Restaurants with cutlery, slightly discoloured (although clean), will serve delicious (mainly spam-based) food all day. The waiting staff will re-enact the sketch where a customer complains - followed by the chastising of many freakish staff members. Like 'old faithful', Mr Creosote will explode every hour (none of the throwing up - that was disgusting, it might put people off the lunch. Unlike the exploding entrails). Background music will be provided by 'Fritz & his performing Hamsters'.
Patrons will eat. And there will be much rejoicing.
There shall be a medievel area.This will include :
i)an 'Assualt-on-the-Castle Course'.
ii) A ride that goes through a dark cave - at the entrance will be Tim the Enchanter (and alot of fire + pyrotechnics), the Beast and Brother Maynard with the holy hand grenade.
iii) The Black Knight, who can be challenged to mortal combat (a pillow fight of some description) to win a prize.
iv) hourly perfomances from 'The Knights of the Round Table' dancing troupe.
There shall be a Roman quarter with various ancient looking sandstone houses – :
i) You can go inside and try to spot as many members of the PFJ (Peoples Front of Judea) as possible.
ii) Street preachers/perfomers will entertain throughout this section
iii) A roller coaster ride will operate like the space shipe ride from Life of Brian – driven by two crazy aliens, and very loud music is played. At the endthere will be a camp man: "oooh lucky bastard".
iv)There shall be very poor quality gladiator fights. Snacks available will be of the Roman Imperialist tit-bit variety.
For a more relaxing time there shall be a beautiful garden: mainly made up of two shruberies - set on two levels with a stream running through them. And some larches.
In any place, at any time patrons could be set up on by a group of scarlet-clad puritans: for no-one expects the Spanish Inquistion! - Fortunately, they will just tickle the guest, politely inquire how their stay has been and offer some lovely ice cream or candy-floss (cotton candy).
the web site
http://www.pythonline.com/
[mrthingy, Oct 05 2004]
[link]
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I thought this would be a rack in which to keep one's snakes in whilst one went shopping. |
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//You've really thought about this a wee bit too much//
[Harold] : Its either that or work! |
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[po] : Sure, if you're offering. |
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I presume this is set near the seaside, where the entrance gates are, so someone in rags can run up to you and shout "It's ..." |
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Not too sure about the Gilliamesque feet that will trample you every so often. |
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Please no Knights of the Round Table dancing troupe! I hate that part. The rest is excellent though. +1 |
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Yes. Right.
Can we have your liver then? |
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Are you Mary, Queen of Scots? |
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Shut that bloody bouzouki player off! |
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And now for something completely different. |
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Will the Restaurants serve salmon?<>br If the park is in Texas you can do the man who choses his own means of execution. |
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Don't forget the *Every Sperm Is Sacred* ride. |
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make the seats softer then & a cooling breeze |
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Every park employee should have "Bruce" on their nametag. |
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Let's not forget the sideshow, please, which features a man with three buttocks. |
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And will there be an undertaker there, where we can bring our mothers for a good meal? |
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New for next season: the "Human Life" section. This will have a general linking theme of fish and will include:
i) The world famous *Every Sperm is Sacred* ride. Its like a crazy cross between a rollercoaster and individual bumper-cars. Much like the 'rainbow' track in Mariokart64 (I'll get a link later).
ii)Live school rugby matches (men vs boys).
more details as they are published... |
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The security guards will be clothed in long black robes and carry scythes. If asked - you had better go with them. |
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All the gardening equipment had better be kept in two sheds. |
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And there's the science exhibit, proudly displayed by Ann Elk (Miss). |
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"Which way to Castle Anthrax ??" |
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And, I would guess, dead parrots in the gift shop. |
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No, they're just resting .... tired and shagged out after a long squauk. |
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Is this in Basingstoke, Westphalia? |
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Every weekend a crowd gathers to watch someone pretending to be Thomas Hardy start a new novel. Followed immediately afterward by the fish slapping competition. |
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In the restaurant someone comes around and asks you if your wife is 'a go-er'. |
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....and the guides comprise as many Gumbys as possible. Pointing out places of interest whilst ''Banging Two Bricks Together' tm (or however you do it.) |
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Will there be a cheese shop? |
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CLOP clop CLOP clop CLOP clop. |
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Can I be heckled by Frenchmen? Please?!? |
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I would love this place, surely there would be some short term living facilities? Also I'm sure that the clear-cutting of whatever forestry would most absolutely be done... WITH A HERRING!! (ni ni). |
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"Ah falt en yoeur jaynayhral dihrecktion" |
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Will there be a family living in a brown paper bag inside a septic tank? |
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Gift shop well stocked with books by Chammmmrles Dikkensq. And they buy the books for you. |
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Will there be faerie nodules in the trees? And a silver scuppernong that bodes you a fare-thee-well and tuppence? And of course the restaurant would have to offer Minister Marbry's quite wee wines! |
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and perhaps there could be courses offered there on how
not to be seen, or how to defend yourself against a man
armed with a banana |
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Perhaps a mincing soldier parade, hourly? |
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There should also be a family licking the road clean with their tongues. |
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All who enter shall be given coconuts to 'ride.' |
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The frenchmen should be posted by the entrance gates. |
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Somewhere, a witch will be on trial. |
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//Will there be a cheese shop?// |
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With of course all delightful manifestations of the Terpsichorean Muse.
Come Again? |
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// Holy hand grenades available at the gift shop. // |
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My cup runneth over ..... American Express ? |
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"Pining for the fjords?!?" |
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Will there be biting moose? |
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Dodge the flying sheep and watch the mice men go mad at the cheese shop.Welcome to my world. |
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And in this restaurant, The Penis Song should be played regularly. But not too often. |
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