h a l f b a k e r y"More like a cross between an onion, a golf ball, and a roman multi-tiered arched aquaduct."
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Back in the late '70s/early '80s, when the punk culture was at its most fashionable, I thought some enterprising yet malevolent landscaping service could have charged exhorbitant fees to a small number of fashion-slave homeowners with more money than sense by offering a "Punk Landscaping" exterior decorating
service. Many fashions enjoy a popularity echo about 20 years after their initial heyday, so is it possible some rich fool would fall for this today?
Offerings might include:
1) "The Mow-hawk:" Rows of closely-mowed grass alternate with rows left un-mowed for months. Or just a single un-mowed row in the center of the lawn.
2) "Privacy Hedges:" a 6-8 foot high boxwood or other dense hedge wall, wrapping the house, at no point more than 5 feet from the house's walls. The homeowners and visitors must fight their way through.
3) "Pests' Sidewalk:" The sidewalk or other groomed path visitors would normally use between the driveway and the front door instead extends from the driveway to a dead end in the middle of the front lawn. Alternatively, if there is a busy highway or cliff nearby, it leads there.
4) "Garden Statuary:" A 737 jet half buried in the yard, with the tail end protruding at about a 70 degree angle. Natural gas "Eternal Flame" option available at extra cost.
5) "Kurd Appeal:" a refugee camp on the front lawn.
6) etc.
6) Grass Art
http://www.halfbake...om/idea/Grass_20Art
[beauxeault, Mar 20 2001, last modified Oct 17 2004]
White Trash Nirvana
http://www.drbukk.com/gmhom/gmindex.html
Nice intro pic + links galore [thumbwax, Jan 01 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
OTT Sculpture
http://www.any-town...eadington_shark.asp
Love the idea, especially th sculpture, couldnt find a 747 bt i can offer you this [IvanIdea, Mar 22 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
mohawk lawn
http://www.bodyscap...om/400lawnmower.htm
Not exactly a mohawk in the lawn... [goober, Oct 05 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
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dang! have I already cast my O-vote? I am forced to reconsider! |
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I have oft toyed with the idea of leaving just one spot or a particular pattern of grass unmowed in my lawn. If I could find a near-maintenance-free grass that grows to ~6ft and vaguely resembles 'normal' grass, I would have hours of amusement admiring the fecund totem in my front lawn. |
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You could also encircle said plot of rough hewn grass and/or ornament with Chain-Link fencing, leaving rest of lawn manicured. |
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Gator Moat: Make visitors wade through a 2-foot deep moat with alligators living in it. Ah, Florida ... |
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Plant some corn on your front lawn. That summer go delerious and install a minature baseball field. Claim the squirrels/sparrows/chipmunks are playing ball. |
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Another idea to piss off the neighbors: Anti-weeding. Pull out anything that isn't a dandelion. Just a yellow lawn. When they begin to turn white and fluffy, use leaf blower to send the seeds all over the neighborhood. |
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Despite what it might seem like,
"punk" does not in fact mean
"annoying, obnoxious and disgusting". |
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Surely anything worthy of the
title "punk landscaping" would
have to include plentiful spikes,
chains, razor wire, and trees that
sport piercings and "trunk-rings". |
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(Wes--Aren't dandelions white and fluffy BEFORE they turn yellow? But then, what seeds do the white ones start from? It's kind of a chicken-and-egg problem, really.)
There was a Far Side (by Gary Larsen) cartoon with "Punk Flamingos" on a suburban lawn: if you looked closely, these pink lawn-ornament flamingos had little studded dog collars, pointy boots, and facial piercings. |
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moodyweasel: the dandelions I remember start out as small green leafy things, grow a stalk with a flat yellow flower, then later the flower closes up and is replaced by a puffball. Pretty much every flower on the planet has the "producing seeds" stage *after* the "brightly colored gathering pollen" stage for sound biological reasons. |
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Yeah, them dandelions are sneaky. "oooh, a pretty yellow flower....oooh it's cottony.........oooh, my back hurts from trying to get rid of these dandelions" |
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In the spirit of beauxeault's idea, all of these carefully constructed gardens are, of course, just middle-class affectation. The truly punk garden would be overrun with brambles and stinging nettles, with perhaps a couple of old tyres in there somewhere and a very sad garden gnome fishing in a stagnant pond.
To broaden the topic slightly, this service could be developed into an outdoor version of the film noir home. My personal favourite would be to plant the whole place with huge stands of bamboo (thanks for the idea Peter), pipe in jungle noises and populate it with abandoned Japanese soldiers. |
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For a fun variation on the unmowed stripe idea, have it inctercept your house, and plant a colinear strip of seed on the roof. Also spraypaint it in multiple flourescent shades. |
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Here in Beautiful Ann Arbor, there's a house who have turned their lawn into a "prarie." They've planted authentic native Michigan plants and let them grow freely, and they do a controlled burn every year rather than cutting it. Not "punk" so much as "hippie," but whatever |
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Did anyone else see the article in USA Today this past week about an emerging fashion reaction against tightly-trimmed, "billiard table" lawns? I can't find a link to it, but it said people are starting to prefer a less-mowed, "shag" look. |
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I didn't see the article, but my lawn certainly understands the shag concept. |
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Just pave the whole lot and paint it black. But personally, I'd rather have mod landscaping: wrap the tomatoes in airforce parkas when it gets cold, make the lawn a red, white, and blue target, turn the back into a scooter park, and so forth. |
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Cool idea, beauxeault. I want garden gnomes with studded dog-collars, flower-beds that are just ragged, random rips across the lawn, and shrubberies trimmed in big, spiky mohican shapes. You could even use your ornamental pond as a mosh pit. I'm sure multi-coloured plant foliage could be used to great effect here also. And all of it should be fenced off with motorbike chains. But no damn flowers - "What do you think we are, f*cking hippies?". |
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Great idea. Mulch with mounds of broken glass. A formal
flower bed planted with liquor bottles and light bulbs.
Decorate fir trees with razor wire for the holidays.
"Tattoo" the lawn with a plow. |
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Did you tell the nosy neighbors to A) replace your plant and B) keep their brats out of your yard? |
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I want a 737 tail sticking out of my front lawn, could be a bit of a squeeze though. |
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Have a mohawked croissant |
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what is that nice lewisgirl doing talking about shag concepts? |
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Shagging on the grass
found a nice link BTW |
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I read today that the word punk gets its derivation from a man who is gang raped in prison. Maybe thats what she is on about. |
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The usual graffiti slogans spraypainted on the sides of the house. |
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<sidenote> In the town where my mom grew up, there was a guy who bought an old church to use for an auction house / flea market. Well, the town committee didn't want it; they wouldn't re-district him from residential to commercial. So what's he do? Paints the entire church flaming pepto-bismal pink. Property values dropped like mad. And now he holds 'garage sales' there every weekend. |
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bob to be: The "dilly" is to scam fashion slaves with more money than sense, and have fun doing it. Read the first paragraph. |
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