h a l f b a k e r y"Bun is such a sad word, is it not?" -- Watt, "Waiting for Godot"
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Had an idea for a headboard/alarm clock awhile back, where the headboard consisted of approximately ten shelves. At the appointed time, the contents of the first shelf (something small, like a pebble or a marble) would be pushed off onto the sleeper's pillow, and every five minutes, the next shelf would
unload it's contents.
Once it reached the top shelf (the bowling trophies, the stuffed moosehead stolen from camp, the bowling ball), an automatic 911 call would be made, then a call into work that the sleeper would not be coming into work that day, and any urgent communication should be directed to the emergency room at the local hospital.
Fortunately, I never have had the wood, the tools or the time to test my idea.
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You stole the moosehead? Naughty! |
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You've never had the time because you always sleep late? |
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No, he's never had the wood |
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I heard about someone who baked this idea. |
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On the first day after installation he showed up for work on time. |
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On the second day he dodged the pebble and showed up for work 5 minutes late, with a bruise on his forhead. |
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On the third day he dodged the pebble, caught the large book and turned up 10 minutes late with a chipped tooth. |
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On the fourth day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament and showed up 15 minutes late with mild concussion. |
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On the fifth day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament, used his pillow to block the boxed complete stationary gift set and appeared 20 minutes late, with wet hair. |
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On the sixth day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament, used the pillow to block the boxed stationary gift set, a broom to stop the bucket on shelf 6 tipping and turned up 25 minutes late, covered in a fine dust. |
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On the seventh day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament, used the pillow to block the boxed stationary gift set, a broom to stop both the bucket and bag of cement falling, and arrived 30 minutes late, with small angry red cuts on his forearms and face. |
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On the eighth day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament, used the pillow to block the boxed stationary gift set, a broom to stop both the bucket and bag of cement falling, the duvet to absorb the primed mousetraps, rusty nails and used razor-blades and appeared 35 minutes late, complaining of temporary deafness. |
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On the ninth day he dodged the pebble, caught the book, moved out the way of the stone elephant ornament, used the pillow to block the boxed stationary gift set, a broom to stop both the bucket and bag of cement falling, the duvet to absorb the sharp objects and a drawer pulled from the bedside cabinet to collect and file the alarm-clocks and primed flashbangs, appearing 45 minutes late, with what turned out to be a broken nose. |
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On the tenth day he failed to turn up for work. Police broke into his house to find him dead, in bed, wearing a moose head. |
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On the eleventh day of Christmas, my alarm clock dropped on me, eleven plates of baked beans and a partridge in a pear tree. |
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croissant for you Mr Trunk. I would love this alarm to have clockwork mechanisms for moving the shelves ever so slightly up and down with long belts of chains and pulleys with a lovely creaky noise that keeps you awake anyway. |
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Bliss: I would be building it, but I'm having difficulty locating a moose head. It appears all of them have been stolen from the Moose lodge.. |
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Did you ask Trunk if it automatically marked that excuse off of your helpmeIvebeenmaimedandcantgetup.com site? |
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could you not just punch yourself in the face |
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