Pretzel Chain

The idea is for pretzels that are interlinked so that the entire bag contains only one, uninterrupted chain. The pretzels would need to be redesigned to eliminate breakage--the shape would have to be streamlined, and they would have to be very dense (like Bavarian pretzels) and perhaps contain some long-strand, fibrous (yet not unpalatable) reinforcement... shredded wheat? Corn silk? I'm sure the pretzologists can come up with something. Also, a yogurt or chocolate coating might further reduce breakage, as well as provide a means for color-coding the end link (though it would do nothing to help you find the end if you stop eating mid-chain.)

Also, wherever pretzel chains were sold, you could buy a special dip bowl for cheese sauce, mustard, and what have you. This bowl would have a pair of wide, spongy pulleys that would guide the chain over the lip of the bowl and down into the sauce, protecting it from sharp edges and tight bends. It will come with a bib, because the length of the chain between your mouth and the bowl will be dripping with sauce. I'm not sure what you'd dip the chocolate-covered pretzels in, maybe caramel.

I have a vision of me in my favorite arm chair, pretzel chain trailing from the side of my mouth, the bag somewhere on the floor out of the way. My atrophied arms are hanging limply off the sides of the chair, the only motion the occasional feeble flicking of my tongue as I draw in the next link. I am also wearing one of those beer helmets, because eating all those pretzels makes me thirsty. Sounds pretty good, right?