h a l f b a k e r yAlas, poor spelling!
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Life is full of those moments when we're not sure if we like something or not;
The restaurant where the food is nice, but the service is reprehensible.
Those trousers which are comfortable, but just don't seem to hang right.
That person who has the annoying laugh and unkempt hair, but
can get you cheap cinema tickets.
The Portable Judgement device can take all these indecisions away. A small, hand held canister with a button on the top. If you're in a situation when you're not sure if you like something, press the button and if it emits random ear splitting noises while electrocuting your fist - that's a negative. If, however, it produces whalesong and squirts non-stinging perfume in your face - that's a positive.
It works by monitoring your palm-pulse, by-passing your social conscience and picking up on the mythical 'what I really think' signal that your brain expels every four seconds.
[link]
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I was hoping this would be a battery-powered instant-Kharma-type retribution device. If someone ticks you off, you produce this from a bag, switch it on, and it delivers a suitable judgement. |
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Two words & a number.........Magic 8 Ball |
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I think I'll use portable judgement. No, I don't need to... but maybe I should. Doh! |
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What I need is "Removable Judgement" so I can watch those *popular* blockbuster movies and enjoy them like the rest of the planet seem to (I remember sitting through that dismal Julia Roberts thing "Sleeping With The Enema", amazed at the reaction of the audience around me - the horror, the horror). |
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Yes. Brain out, sponge in. |
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Actually, now I've thought about it, I prefer Angel's idea. Portable Kharmik Retribution should sell boatloads more than my device. |
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If the Portable Kharmik Retribution is actually based on Absolute Morality (I think that's the assumption in religions which make use of the concept) then one could be unpleasantly surprised--you get POed by someone's driving, press the button, and receive a head-slap and an admonition: "Get over it, whiney-bugger, the other guy had the right-of-way!" In short, Kharma isn't always what you expect. |
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The Punster wishes to point out that the similar concept, Potable Judgement, is already available--aka Dutch Courage. Drink vodka neat for snap judgements, lager for more leisurely decisions. |
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Absolute Morality? Piffle. What you need is Judge Dredd ("I am the law!") telling you what's right. |
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