h a l f b a k e r yI never imagined it would be edible.
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The other day I browsed through the newest edition of Dabiq, the IS's glossy monthly magazine. This is one of the most obscene publications you might imagine. Dozens of pictures of young men with deadly weapons, children praying with guns in their laps, victims of terrorist attacs and war prisoners having
their throat cut. It is all about power and We against Them. The NRA might love it. And the imagery might fit Heckler&Koch and Krauss-Maffey as well.
There is one additionally disturbing picture of a scene after the Paris bombings. Dying and dead men on the ground, chaos and havoc - and one figure which is pixillated so that you cannot recognize it - or her. This seems to be the only picture of a female in the whole magazine. Small wonder that those young men tend to get a little bit nervous. And then they are promised a couple of willing chicks as soon as they enter paradise. Must be a temptation.
To relieve their anguish I propose that bombing the IS's strongholds should not be done with explosives only, but with lots of copies of Hustler, Playboy, porn DVDs, classified ads sections from major cities around the world etc. Show them that fucking can already be achieved in this world. And how it's done, in case they don't know.
This might not win the war against terrorism (nothing will). But if it prevents only one young man from bringing death and destruction to hundreds of others it might well be worth a try.
Dabiq Issue 12
http://www.clarionp...-12-just-terror.pdf
[Toto Anders, Dec 04 2015]
It won't work. Their brains are structured differently than yours.
http://www.vox.com/...t=share:article:top
"Research consistently finds that conservatism is positively associated with heightened epistemic concerns for order, structure, closure, certainty, consistency, simplicity, and familiarity, as well as existential concerns such as perceptions of danger, sensitivity to threat, and death anxiety." [normzone, Dec 04 2015]
Internet porn VOA
Internet_20Voice_20of_20America
same principle [bungston, Dec 05 2015]
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[+} Excellent. A leavening of defaced copies of the Qu'ran should wind them up nicely, and some cartoons depicting allah and mohammed too. |
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Anything else that might make their blood boil ? Blow up dolls ? Sex toys ? |
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// The NRA might love it. // |
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Intriguing that you use the conditional form, "might". The NRA, and every shade of white supremacist, armed survivalist nutter, neo-Nazi and militant Christian from very-very-nearly slightly liberal to full on Stalhelm and jackboots will fall upon it with little cries of glee. |
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"Hello, we are in a hot country far away, we have very limited conventional military capability, and we have killed a lot of your civilians in an unpleasant way. This is because we are feeling particulalrly lucky, and know our deity will protect us". |
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^ What's wrong with this picture ? |
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I sometimes speak without thinking. |
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Can you recognise deliberate irony when you read it ? Hopefully, the answer is yes. The whole point of grouping all those disparate points of view is to produce an ironically humorous effect. |
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It's never funny when it has to be explained ... |
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// as you're not the type to change opinions // |
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Only those of others, who of course are always wrong (if they deviate in any way from ours). |
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Addendum: There is a catch, of course, as Roald Dahl describes in "A Piece of Cake" when the RAF decides to paint funny cartoons on their planes so that the Germans will laugh so much that they cannot shoot straight any more. |
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"Peter, you're marvellous," I shouted. "But can all those German pilots read English?" |
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"Oh hell," he said, "oh hell." |
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//This might not win the war against terrorism
(nothing will)// How about we just nuke 'em back to
the middle ages where they came from? |
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I understand the sentiment. |
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It can be very hard on boys in islamic cultures to have so much testosterone and developping sexdrive. There are many problems with this for men and women and also some hidden and illegal solutions. |
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Porn is not a celebrated sign of our cultural enlightenment. |
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We could send them flowers and smiles and diplomacy and share our wisdom and ask to share in theirs. |
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We could stop the global arms trade and bring food to the hungry and stop global destructive politics. |
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Our sordid video's are not the answer. |
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Nukes are actually quite phallic |
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// We could send them flowers and smiles and diplomacy // |
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... or maybe a few dozen JDAM's .... |
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// and share our wisdom // |
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Can they pay in hard currency for that ? |
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// and ask to share in theirs. // |
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... which presupposes they have some, or indeed any. |
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// We could stop the global arms trade and bring food to the hungry and stop global destructive politics. // |
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Why ? The current way is much more entertaining ... |
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// Why ? The current way is much more entertaining ... // |
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'cause we're all gonna die otherwise.
'tsa pretty compelling reason. |
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Wait that one was a rhetorical question wasn't it? |
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//This might not win the war against terrorism (nothing
will).// |
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Good thing there weren't a lot of people with that
attitude back in the 1940s. We'd all be goose-stepping the
Deutschlandlied down Adolph Avenue today. |
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No, civilization will prevail. We've been fighting
barbarians since the dawn of time. We might have to
smarten up and get a little stronger but that's how
barbarians have been effecting civilized people for a long
time. This isn't our first test, it won't be our last. |
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As a generation that's been handed its freedom we tend
to forget it wasn't free for the hundreds of thousands of
people before us who gave their lives so that later
generations
might enjoy it. |
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In other words, we'll be fine if we don't act like a bunch of
fucking pussies. |
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//barbarians have been effecting civilized people// |
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I knew they were behind it all. |
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So, we're agreed on the nuclear option? |
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[//This might not win the war against terrorism (nothing will).// |
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Good thing there weren't a lot of people with that attitude back in the 1940s. We'd all be goose-stepping the Deutschlandlied down Adolph Avenue today.] |
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The "War against Terrorism" creates what it is supposed to combat. In the 1940's the war was against a nation with an organized army, resources and structures which could and would be defeated.
The "War against Terrorism" is an ideological crusade which causes each day dozens of young men to join the ranks of the perceived underdog. |
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// So, we're agreed on the nuclear option? //
No. I'd rather commit suicide than kill myself. |
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Maybe just a small one, see how it goes? |
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Well, okay, if you offer your house as a test site. Let's see if there emerge any terrorists from it after we're done. |
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Well, if I must. The NNE asparagus beds need digging
anyway. |
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//In the 1940's the war was against a nation with an
organized army, resources and structures which could and
would be defeated.// |
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We'll let you know when a life or death conflict with
parameters to your liking arises. |
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// So, we're agreed on the nuclear option? // |
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<Collective hands raised in agreement> |
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// which causes each day dozens of young men to join the ranks of the perceived underdog.// |
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... thus self-identifying themselves and making it easier to pick them off with drone-launched missiles. |
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Age and treachery will ALWAYS overcome youth and enthusiasm. |
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// I'd rather commit suicide than kill myself // |
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Or we could do it for you. Any way is good for us. No charge. |
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// We'll let you know when a life or death conflict with parameters to your liking arises. // |
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O.k. Put please hold your bombs until a conflict arises which is solvable by them. |
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// Or we could do it for you. // |
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Yes please do. Which obituaries would I have to study to stay up to date with your results? |
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//O.k. Put please hold your bombs until a conflict arises
which is solvable by them.// |
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Bombs work better than bending over, grabbing our
collective ankles and sobbing quietly into the pillow
about how the enemy is absolutely super human and
unstoppable as you've suggested. |
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Now that you've had your beating, I'll surprise you with
this: I agree that there is a big sexual element to the
enemy's recruiting and there might actually be something
to your idea. And from out of left field, when you least
expect it... [+]. |
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Didn't see that coming eh? Gotta keep the other side off
guard. |
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"Hey Omar! You coming out of your tent for target
practice? You've been in there for 2 weeks straight!
What's going on in there?" |
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// until a conflict arises which is solvable by them // |
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All conflicts are solvable with bombs. If enough are dropped, eventually all of your opponents will be dead; if not killed directly, they will die of thirst, starvation or suffocation in their bomb shelters. |
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...and there's no problem that can't be solved by bombs that
can't be solved by more bombs. |
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// how the enemy is absolutely super human and unstoppable as you've suggested // |
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The enemy might be stoppable. The "War on Terrorism" cannot be won. |
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"It does not matter whether the war is actually happening, and, since no decisive victory is possible, it does not matter whether the war is going badly. All that is needed is that a state of war should exist." -- Emmanuel Goldstein, in George Orwell: 1984 |
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"I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." -- George W. Bush |
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Ok genius we know you have a library card, so what's your
solution? |
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Everyone should be nice to each other. |
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You know, if there were fewer wars there wouldn't be as
many of them numerically speaking as it were so to speak at
this point in time or what have you per se if you will. |
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One awesome thing about the porn bomb is that it would be so cheap. Bonus: use Russian porn! |
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It would be even better if you could get them to subscribe
and enter credit card details. |
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