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Muffins look so innocent until you measure their projected apex angle with a piece of paper and then apply this piece of paper to a cone with the same apex angle as that of an Egyptian pyramid. It is exactly half.
Is this evidence of a secret muffin society from the past that was suppressed? Were
all their muffin tins caved in and were they told to eat their muffins upside down for eternity?
I say make a link with the past and ask for pointed muffins by name at bakery shops everywhere. There's extra room for a creme filling now.
Here's your omnibus ticket....
http://www.horrorma....com/Text/a1126.pdf
[normzone, Dec 23 2004]
(??) The next logical step: Muffin Tops
http://www.surlatab...ls.cfm?PRRFNBR=7667
"Enjoy the premium part of the muffin without having to eat the bottom.", a philosophy to live by if ever I've heard one. [half, Dec 24 2004]
[link]
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I hear the bodies of important ants are still preserved deep inside certain muffins. |
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Lets turn the moon upside down, insert it into a muffin paper cone and breathe deeeeeeply. |
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after carefully dusting back the icing, you can clearly see ancient baker's hieroglyphs - the meaning of these scribbles is still a mystery, though some surmise an ancient bun worshipping cult. |
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Bun worship, mmmmmm............ |
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Pssssst! I hear that the next Freemuffin secret society meeting will be held on Drury lane.
Pass it on. |
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...I hear that the next Free Running secret society meeting will be held on Brewery lane... |
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After having searched multiple "bun worship" possibilities to link to, I've decided to leave it to your collective imaginations. |
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I heard a rumor that they're beating free runners at a brewery. |
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So, does [half] know he's exactly the projected apex angle with a piece of paper that's exactly the same apex angle as that of an Egyptian pyramid? |
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By the way, I heard that the Tree Hugging secret society meeting is dreary and lame. Pass it on. |
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To find out more about this secret society, I suggest you read E.M.Forster's short story,"Celestial Omnibus" and you'l find out all about the other "half". |
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See link to story.....nice tale. |
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You can use two of these pointed muffin tins to train croissants to bake properly, half-baked in each tin. |
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No conspiracy here. Just the ravages of cost-slashing capitalism. |
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Pointed muffin tins require greater insulation at the pointed end to prevent the pointy end from baking faster than the rest of the muffin. In between rounds of baking, the muffin tin must be allowed to cool to room temperature in order to maintain its pointy-end protective effect. |
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With truncated muffins, greater efficiency is achieved in several significant ways. |
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First, the cost of manufacturing muffin tins is considerably reduced. |
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Second, the time between muffin batches is greatly reduced, as it is no longer necessary to wait for any insulating material to return to room temperature. |
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Third, in addition to more muffins baked per hour, more muffins can be baked per batch, as the vertical dimension of the muffins has been reduced by half. |
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For the sake of practical illustration, let us assume that it takes 20 minutes to bake a batch of muffins, and that we can stack our pointy muffin pans two deep in a conventional oven. Let's say that we obtain a muffin yield of 24 pointy muffins (two six-muffin pans per oven shelf, with two shelves) per hour, as it takes 40 minutes for the muffin tin insulation to cool. |
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If we further assume that, using the truncated muffin pans, we are able to bake twice as many muffins at a time, and we can bake three times as many muffins in an hour, we now have a yield of 144 muffins per hour. |
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Not only can you produce six times as many muffins in one-sixth the time, but the real beauty is that you use about 34% less of raw materials (muffin batter), frost the ass-end of the muffin so it looks pretty while standing on its decapitated stump, and continue to charge FULL PRICE while suggesting a "premium" latte, made from coffee beans strained out of the shit of an exotic cat, to go with it. |
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ARRRRRRRRR! We've got one! The trap is sprung. I have a turkey for the hohodays after all. In those nohohodays they didn't have any baking powder or soda either. A precise amount of water, .001 cubits is placed at the celebrated pointed apex to give the muffin an etherial lightness. Then 5 drops of myrrh/amarranth/indigo blendo oil are placed on top of that. The batter is slithered in on top of it and a little candy snake sits on top of that. Cover with a purple shroud for five minutes while throwing some sage in the oven. Throw'em in there and call random phone numbers to find buyers.
And those beans aren't exotic, my domestic cat has a sideline. |
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