h a l f b a k e r y"Put it on a plate, son. You'll enjoy it more."
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Ever get stuck in a shopping cart 'traffic jam' at Costco or a big supermarket? Next time whip out your handy dandy Pocket Horn, clip it onto the cart and give 'em a honk! Small enough to fit in a pocket, velcro strap to attach to cart, no one's the wiser when it's in your pocket (barring bumps!). Finally
a chance to get your goods and get out in less than a geological time scale.
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Why, these should be built into the trolleys, with a slot needing a coin to be inserted for each use. Following this, bumpers should be adopted to encourage ramming which will no doubt speed up or at least enliven the queues. Finally, I think a concealed button in the handle should deploy scythes from the trolley wheels for maiming other shoppers or at the very least puncturing their cereal boxes. |
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I worry about an eventual horrifying mistake when I reach to get my goods out. No, this horn needs to stay in pocket. I envision a coiled Vikingesque wonder of brass emerging from the pantaloons, braying at the touch of the rubber bulb, amazing and astounding all. Perhaps two horns, calibrated for distance and urgency... yes, yes. |
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Ah for the days of Farmer John and the illustration. |
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Add an appropriate clip to a bicycle bell //Is that a bell in your pocket, or are you just glad to be here?// |
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