Pigeon sex doll

Spring is here, and all across the animal kingdom juices are stirring. Animals are rousing from their winter lethargy, and looking for something to do before the summer season on the TV really gets going. I observed this at distressingly close quarters the other day, hanging around a bus station where a crowd of pigeons were gathering to perform various extremely natural acts. Hence this idea to disrupt the process of making baby pigeons.

First, we need to create a reasonable fake pigeon. I suggest we leave this to a taxidermist, because all the options I can think of are either (a) grim or (b)wouldn't even fool a pigeon. Have the taxidermist pay careful attention to the pigeon's naughty bits - these must be kept in something approaching working order, and connected via a long flexible tube to a plastic bag.

Now (and this is the clever bit) distil some pigeon sex hormones. I'm sure these exist in a lab somewhere. Then fix your Pigeon Temptress to the ground in an area crowded with pigeons. Overcome by the seductive scent of your necrotic damsel, the male pigeons will spend their time romancing her, and will thus not be in a position to pay their respects to other females.

In this way, the population of flying rats can be decreased harmlessly and with much pleasure being given at the same time.